


Perseids

by FalseDevotion



Series: All the Hues of Blue [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Astrophysicist!Calum, Fluff, M/M, Nurse!Ashton, Romantic Getaway, Shooting Stars, Stars, They're back!, meteor shower, tiny lil bit of smut (at least compared to the loooong scenes on All the Hues)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 16:30:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20230906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FalseDevotion/pseuds/FalseDevotion
Summary: “Shit, that was a big one!” Calum exclaimed excitedly, almost knocking Ashton out of his chest as he arched up, pointing to the sky. Ashton has seen it too, but he had been to slow to wish for something. Calum had refused to answer him every time he asked what he has wished for, but he still tried one last time.“What did you wish for?”Calum looked down to him, a small smile on his face that would have seemed innocent if it wasn’t for the glint in his eyes.“A kiss.”Ashton rolled over, straddling Calum again as he smirked down at him.“Just one?”Calum hummed, nodding as he buried his fingers in Ashton’s hair, bringing him down until he was a hair’s breadth away.“Just one.”orAshton surprises Calum with a holiday up North so they can see some shooting stars.





	Perseids

**Author's Note:**

  * For [megr0se](https://archiveofourown.org/users/megr0se/gifts).

> Hiiii!!!!!!!! Omg this is so exciting. I have had this in my fics folder since before I even finished All the Hues, waiting for this exact date to post it. Well. Not today. Yesterday. I'm always bad at knowing how long is going to take me to edit stuff 😅
> 
> I'd love to dedicate this to @megr0se for being so lovely and supporting whenever I share my writing! She's the best. And I promised you I would gift something way less angsty, so here it is :DDD. Huge amounts of fluff (and tiny lil smuts, sorry 🤭)
> 
> For the rest of you, I really do hope you enjoy this!!!!

“I forgot my pyjamas.” Ashton muttered, tsking as he gripped the wheel.

“You didn’t, I packed them for you this morning.” Calum answered, a giggle escaping past his lips. “Besides, you’ve been sleeping in your undies for weeks.”

“I forgot something else, then.”

Ashton couldn’t pinpoint exactly what, but he knew he had forgotten something back at the flat, he just knew it. Had this... _feeling_ in his gut. He ought to have forgotten something, he just couldn’t for the life of him figure out what.

“Well, whatever it is–” Calum cut in, “I assure you in Scotland we have _places_ where you can buy _stuff_.”

“I never said we were going to Scotland.” Ashton frowned.

He had been very careful, actually, not to fuck up the surprise for Calum. He wanted the destination to be a surprise, as had been –more or less– the whole trip. Although he knew the younger had had suspicions since Ashton even first decided to start looking for some place for them for his summer week off. Ashton was clearly outsmarted.

“You just took the A1 north, we’re definitely going to Scotland.” Calum snickered.

And Ashton just knew without even turning to look at him that Calum had to have that awfully cute knowing grin on his face. He just knew. _Ugh_.

“We could be going to Durham.” Ashton huffed, his hands clutching the wheel tighter.

“But we’re not.”

It was taking all he had not to look left to where he was sure Calum was just lounging in his seat, amused that he was making the older feel so exasperated. Fuck. He had been planning this retreat for three months, ever since he took a look at his bank account and decided it was better to wait to go back to Sydney. His mum had been saddened, but… She had understood, Ashton thought. The necessity for a retreat just for the two of them. And the fact that Ashton wanted to bring Calum back with him to Sydney when he came down. Plus, the way she seemed to _adore_ Calum was a bonus. But then again, Ashton was convinced there wasn’t anyone in the world who didn’t adore Calum. It was impossible once you got to know him. His values, his heart, his mind. Ashton really couldn’t wait for the day he could actually introduce him to his mum, face to face. Couldn’t wait for the day he could bring Calum home, to his family, and show the younger boy the place where he grew up. Calum had said multiple times he wanted to get to know _all _of Ashton, and Sydney… Sydney was one of the biggest parts of who he was.

The trip there would have to wait a while, though. Neither Calum nor him had the funds for it, and Calum also wanted to go to New Zealand, see his family. So for now, a trip up North for a few days was enough. Ashton certainly _needed_ a holiday. Both to get off from work and to spend more time with Calum, because the last month had been kind of difficult for them to actually spend any time together. Ashton had missed waking up to the younger boy. In fact… Shit. He knew what he had forgotten. _Calum’s key_.

The younger’s lease was up in a couple of weeks, and Ashton still hadn’t heard him say anything about if he was going to renew it with Michael or what. Ashton had a feeling Calum was waiting for him to ask him to move in. Or maybe it was just his own wishful thinking. Ashton was ready for it. He wanted Calum in any and every way. He wanted to live together, share responsibilities, the whole boring domesticity stuff. He wanted to wake up to him every day –not that he hadn’t been staying over quite a bit, because…, he _had_. Ashton was sure Calum had slept over more times than he had slept in his own bed since they started dating. And everything just was _good_ between them. It was the next organic step. _Hence_ the key. Well. He could still bring it up. It wouldn’t be the same without the key, but… Ashton doubted Calum would mind.

He chanced a look to him, saw Calum still smirking out of the corner of his eye. His hair was shorter than when they met, Calum having gone and buzzed it short in the middle of his last term, overcome with stress. He had said he just needed a change, but Ashton knew it had been because of his habit of pulling on his hair while he was studying. And hey, if it worked, Ashton was no one to question it. Plus, Calum had looked smoking hot with his hair short. Now the curls Ashton loved were starting to show again.

Another look to his left and Calum still had that look of sheer smugness at always going a step ahead from Ashton’s, which was enough to make the older roll his eyes and resign himself to the fate that he could never really plan a surprise for Calum. The black-haired boy was too smart.

“What gave our destination away?” He asked grudgingly.

“You searched the way over on my computer.” Calum snorted, seemingly having been waiting for Ashton to ask that exact question. His booming laughter resonated in Ashton’s small Mini One. “You left the tab open, babe. Like an _amateur_.”

“Excuse me for trying to plan a surprise for the _king of surprises_.” Ashton groaned, putting on the blinker to get ahead of a truck.

Calum giggled happily at him, Ashton even hearing him clap his hands repeatedly. _Gosh, he was such a kid sometimes._

“Why Dalmellington?” Calum asked conversationally, but Ashton just rolled his eyes.

“You packed your telescope." He grunted. "I think you know _why_."

Calum had told him more than once about his trips to the Observatory when he was little. How he had first decided he wanted to study the stars being there with his school. That had been prior to meeting Michael. A _long_ time ago. Calum held the place real close to his heart, Ashton knew. And he just wanted to see the younger smile. Scotland made him come alive in ways Ashton loved witnessing, and well. It was also a beautiful country.

“I do _know _why you chose it, I just wanted to see your face.” Calum snickered. “You know I love that place.” Ashton heard him stretching and suddenly he had the younger’s breath near his ear. “Thank you, Ash.” He whispered before pecking him in the cheek, going back to his seat.

“I just thought, since there’s the meteor shower… Well. That.” Ashton sputtered, feeling the heat rising on his cheeks as he tried to keep driving normally. He couldn’t believe he was still reacting to Calum like this after a whole eight months. He had to look stupid.

“I love shooting stars.” Calum whispered back, and Ashton knew he had to be grinning.

“Yeah?”

“I mean, the whole concept of wishing on a piece of rock entering our atmosphere is a wee bit wacky, but I still love them.”

Ashton snorted, but his heart filled with a warmth he couldn’t really begin to describe. It was fondness, of the highest level. Calum just was… incredible.

“You’re such a smartass.” He said instead, trying to cover the fond. It seeped into his voice anyway, and he knew Calum had noticed, because the younger stretched his hand again to caress his cheek, staying still for a moment too long. Ashton felt warmth spreading through him slowly but surely, filling his every sense. Gosh, what he would give for a hug if he wasn’t driving.

Calum sent him a small smile when Ashton chanced a glance to his left, his lips leaving a kiss on the younger’s fingers before Calum took it back.

“You mind if I read while you drive?” He asked. Ashton could hear the smile in his tone.

But he glanced worriedly at him, Calum already taking a book out of his backpack, an excited smile on his lips.

“It makes you sick, Cal.” Ashton tried as he looked back to the road.

“I _know_, but I’ve had this since Christmas and I haven’t had a single free moment to read until _now_.” Calum stressed, whining.

“You finished classes a week ago. You’ve had plenty of time.” Ashton shook his head with a laugh, chancing another look left where Calum was already turning pages, apparently looking for a specific passage.

“Well, yeah, I did.” Calum answered distractedly. He licked his finger to help himself turn out pages and oh god, Ashton felt the feelings flying away again in his chest. Calum was too cute for his own good. “I was… otherwise occupied during this past week.”

That made Ashton sputter, blood rising again to his cheeks. Well. Calum wasn’t wrong. Last month they had only seen each other for supper on the days Calum had stayed over, and they had been significantly fewer than what they were both used to. So, when he finally turned in all his assignments plus his thesis, Calum had marched onto the flat and refused to leave, demanding kisses from him. Ashton had been working days, but the nights… the nights had been theirs.

“If you feel like you’re getting nauseous, just stop reading.” He said quietly, glancing once more to the left, Calum’s eyes already scanning the pages.

“Okay.” The younger murmured a few seconds too late, and Ashton just shook his head, laughing, and went back to driving.

* * *

“And here we are.” Ashton said as he opened the door to the little cottage, holding it open for Calum to pass through with their suitcase.

The place was small, clearly. Open kitchen, living room and dining room all in the same space. There was a beautiful fireplace on the left side of the room, a sofa on one side, the dining table on the other. The bedroom was on an upper level, no walls, just a sort of balcony overlooking the dining room. Everything was decorated like it was the set of a movie. It screamed cosy, and Ashton couldn’t wait for them to cuddle together to sleep there. The cottage was a small space, but Ashton was used to it because of his own flat having a similar distribution. Plus, they really didn’t need much space when it was just the two of them. And what he had loved the most when he first saw the ad for this particular cottage had been the window on the ceiling just above the bed. It would allow a perfect view of the sky during the night. And even when he had packed essentials for camping out the night of the meteor shower peak, they could always come back if they didn’t feel like staying outside and still be able to see the stars.

Calum had left the suitcase next to the door, going straight for the kitchen and starting to look around everywhere. Ashton bit his lip, somehow feeling nervous about the younger’s thorough examination of the place. But he didn’t have to fret long. Calum turned around with the biggest grin ever, excitement written all over his face before he came running towards Ashton and threw himself at him. If Ashton hadn’t been prepared, they would probably have both fallen to the floor, but he was ready to catch him when Calum jumped and wrapped himself around him like a koala, his legs wrapping around Ashton’s hips.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Calum mumbled as he kissed him all over his face, almost knocking Ashton’s glasses out, his enthusiasm making Ashton start giggling.

“You like it?”

“Of course I do. It’s super cute.” Calum gushed, looking around. “Thank you, Ash.”

Ashton laughed again before leaning forward for a kiss, his hands squeezing their hold on Calum’s thighs. Calum returned the kiss eagerly, his arms lacing themselves behind Ashton’s head. Ashton tried to fight the butterflies flying around in his stomach, tried stilling his heart. But it was to no avail. He would never get used to the feeling of being with Calum. It still felt like a dream. Ashton prayed that It would never stop being this way between them. His heart full and free, Calum’s beating at the same happy pace as his. He ended the kiss softly, sighing against Calum’s lips without opening his eyes just yet. He could feel the younger’s breathing, his nose nuzzling him fondly. It made Ashton’s heart give another lurch, feeling so warm. But… His arms were starting to feel a little worn from holding Calum up.

“Okay. Hop off, monkey. I can hold you, but not that long.” Ashton chuckled, nuzzling back as Calum let out a big laugh.

“I have proof that you can hold me up for way longer if you want to.” He smirked right as Ashton opened his eyes, but moved away before Ashton could swat at him, though, sniggering like he had just said the most hilarious thing.

“That’s _different_. You were resting against a _wall_.” Ashton said, blushing. _God, that had been a **great** night._

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Calum waved his hand around. And then he got that cheeky smile, glancing around the room before his eyes finally landed on Ashton again, sparkling with mischief. “There’re plenty of walls here.”

“Shut up.” Ashton whined, a little laugh escaping him as he looked at the minx he called boyfriend.

“I’m just saying.” Calum shrugged, his eyebrows making that weird thing he did when he tried to get Ashton to agree to something sexual. It only made Ashton laugh more.

“We’ll see what happens.” He finally muttered.

“I’m sure we will.” Calum snorted, and just like that he was crowding back against him, hugging him close. “Can we eat now?” He whispered, and Ashton suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at him. Always fucking hungry, he was.

“Bring in the food, yeah.” He chuckled, leaning forward for a peck before untangling himself from Calum and walking towards their suitcase, hoisting it up. “I’ll be unloading this into the dresser.”

Calum grinned at him and quickly dashed away towards the door, knocking himself on the frame. Ashton didn’t even try to bite back the laugh that escaped him. He was just too used to Calum knocking himself against frames and tripping on stuff. At first he had been worried sick every time he heard Calum yelp in pain –he still was, to be honest– but by now he knew it was just an almost daily occurrence with Calum and there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

He felt tired, though, so with a sigh he picked up the suitcase and walked on towards the bedroom. It had taken them nearly 7 hours, including the time they had stopped on the way, to get to the cottage. A long drive, but Ashton had seen how Calum’s eyes started lighting up the closest they got to his home. Ashton had thought they could maybe drive up to Kilbirnie one day, just so Calum could see his family. The younger had insisted he would stay working during the summer on the shop, just so he could save up money, and that meant not being able to go back home to see them.

Calum’s relationship with his mother was still a bit stunted, but Ashton knew the younger boy still missed them all terribly. Calum had finally talked to his family about his inability to work through his grandmother’s death some couple months after Christmas. Ashton hadn’t been there, was on a string of nights at the hospital. Calum had taken the train back to Glasgow and stayed home for three days. He had called crying the first night just before Ashton’s shift, making him worry and wish he could have gone up north with him for support. But talking to them was the first step, and Ashton had known even then it may have been a good thing him staying home because Calum had to deal with it on his own. The older also knew it hadn’t been easy progress from there, but things were definitely better than they had been when Ashton met him. Ashton had seen him being on the phone for _hours_ on end with Mali, something he never thought he would be able to see between siblings. He loved Lauren and Harry to a fault, but their Skype calls usually lasted an hour tops.

He felt a pang of nostalgia on his chest, his thoughts drifting back to Sydney, to the nights he had shared his bed with both his siblings, tired after a movie marathon. That hadn’t happened in so long, and he missed them. His mum too. He talked with her more often these days. It wasn’t like he had been purposefully avoiding her during the past year, but calling her meant questions about how he was doing, and _Bec_, and Ashton just hadn’t been able to face that. He was learning to, though. Both he and Calum were learning. And _healing_.

He heard said boy coming back in, huffing as he carried the bags, just as Ashton was opening the suitcase on the bed. He started taking everything out, his ears picking up the melody Calum was humming under his breath. It made Ashton smile. He really couldn’t wait to talk to him about moving in together. His flat, his bed, his days felt so empty the times Calum wasn’t there. Ashton found it difficult to fall asleep the days when he didn’t have Calum there with him. The sound of the younger’s breathing and his heartbeat against Ashton’s back had been the best lullaby he could have asked for during the past months. He just slept better with Calum there to hold him. _Gosh_, he really, really wished the younger would say yes.

Maybe it was too soon, but at the same time, Ashton had a feeling it _wasn’t_. Not for them. Society’s standards had never applied to them, to their relationship, and he hoped this time that fact wouldn’t change.

* * *

They had a late lunch by the unlit fireplace after Calum finished bringing in the groceries they had stacked on the car for the week. He had told Ashton they would probably need to light the fireplace up some nights, if the weather forecast was to be believed. Summer’s here were still cold, and there was supposed to be a storm coming. Ashton hoped the forecast was wrong because, it said there was a chance of rain the night of the meteor shower peak, and that would just throw his whole planned holiday off. Well, not _all of it_. But he wanted to see some shooting stars while laying in with Calum, surrounded by nature.

Their intention after lunch had been watching a movie in Calum’s laptop, but Ashton fell asleep almost immediately, too tired from the drive. When he woke up Calum was looking down at him, a serene smile on his face and his eyes shining with something that made Ashton feel warm and fuzzy. It was almost overwhelming, the way just a simple look from Calum could make him feel. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm his heart from galloping so soon after waking up.

“How long was I out for?” He mumbled, eyes still closed and burrowing into Calum’s chest, feeling content when Calum’s arms tightened around him.

“I think a couple hours. I fell asleep for a while too.” Calum whispered back, leaning down and pressing a kiss against his temple. “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Ashton hummed at that, tugging on Calum’s shirt and trying to get him to come down for a kiss. The younger went readily, a silly smile on his face that Ashton wanted to forever see illuminating his day. Fuck, Calum was so damn beautiful. Ashton pecked him softly, drawing back just a bit to look into Calum’s eyes before leaning forward again and pressing their lips together, chaste but firm. He could feel Calum’s breathing hitting his cheeks, the boy’s hand sliding up and down Ashton’s side, making him shiver. He felt so fucking _good_. There, lying with Calum, lazing around, trading sweet kisses with the sounds of the nocturnal wildlife coming to life outside the cottage windows surrounding them. They had missed the sunset, but Ashton didn’t mind. He would trade a thousand beautiful sunsets in a second just to get a single instant with Calum like this.

“We should probably get up.” Ashton muttered after a while, kisses having dissolved into just sweet pecks, his hand resting on Calum’s chest.

“We should.” The younger answered, but neither made a move for it.

It took them thirty minutes to finally get up from the couch, both groaning as they stretched themselves, Ashton lazily reaching for his glasses. Calum insisted on cooking supper by himself, so Ashton focused on finishing unloading the car while he was at it. It was cold outside, breeze ruffling through the trees near the property. They weren’t far from Dalmellington –a mere 10 minute drive–, but the cottage was still sufficiently secluded that it felt like they were the only people there. It was somewhat scary, thinking about it, but he didn’t mind. Calum was with him. And it would help him to destress, the solitude. It allowed them to spend much needed time together alone, as well. He had missed having more than an hour a day with Calum, had missed their conversations, their quiet times. This holiday seemed like the right move to get back on track.

Supper consisted in some kind of Greek salad Calum had allegedly learnt from Gardenia’s cook and grilled steaks, everything as delicious as it always was. The younger seemed to have sneakingly thrown in a couple bottles of red wine in the shopping cart when Ashton hadn’t been looking, and by the time they finished eating, Ashton could say he was more than a bit buzzed. Calum insisted they would clean up the next day, so they both trailed upstairs towards the bedroom.

Ashton had had a persistent pain on his neck since he woke up, probably from a weird sleeping position on the couch and it did nothing but add on to the knots on his back from having worked through a stressful week at the unit. Thank god Luke had been there to help him keep his sanity. Although, the younger was taking his days off right after Ashton, so that meant they would probably not see each other until the end of August. Ashton was going to miss him.

He had just taken his shirt off, trying to massage his neck to relieve it somehow when he heard Calum letting out a soft chuckle, steps coming closer and his hands starting to squeeze where Ashton needed it with just the right amount of pressure, working the kinks out.

“Thanks.” He sighed, relaxing back towards Calum. The younger had become amazing at helping Ashton whenever back pains came up, his hands something like magic on Ashton’s skin.

“Your neck feels too tense.” Calum noted worryingly. Ashton could see his furrowed brow even with his eyes closed.

“It was the drive.” He explained. Calum squeezed it again, making him groan at how good it felt. Maybe he had something for the pain, but it really just left him feeling much more relaxed. It was addictive in a sense. Calum’s hands on his skin. “And I think I slept weird on the couch.” He added with a sigh as the younger pressed somewhere on his neck that felt wonderful.

Calum just hummed as he continued to massage Ashton, his hands firm and strong moving from his neck to his shoulders, his back, his arms. Ashton was beginning to feel sleepy on his feet with it all when he noticed Calum’s lips leaving a feathery kiss just below his ear, his breath making the hairs on the back of Ashton’s neck stand up. It was still astonishing to him how just Calum’s breath and the touch of his lips could make him weak in the knees, his body falling backwards against Calum’s. He had thought they would be going straight to bed with how tired he still was, but if Calum initiated something, he wouldn’t oppose. Despite last week, it had been sometime since they had last spent some quality time together, lost in each other. The younger had started moving his lips up and down Ashton’s neck, his teeth racking it and making Ashton let out an involuntary moan.

“You up for it?” Calum whispered, his hand trailing softly down Ashton’s arm, intertwining their fingers and squeezing lightly. Ashton could feel his quick heartbeat where Calum’s chest was pressing against his back.

“Yeah, but, I’m sleepy.” Ashton answered, a small yawn distorting his voice at the end. Calum chuckled lightly, pressing his lips in a chaste kiss against his right shoulder before stepping around him, tugging on his hand.

“Come to bed.”

Ashton followed him willingly, shedding his trousers and taking out his glasses before climbing on top of the bed, lying down next to a now almost naked Calum and reattaching their lips like the younger’s kisses were the oxygen he needed to breathe. Calum’s hand was tenderly stroking over his stomach, his fingertips light and loving in a way that was making Ashton even dizzier than the kiss. There were just so many feelings swirling around in his chest, too many to keep track of when his mind was in overdrive just by Calum gently biting his lower lip, his tongue shyly licking inside Ashton’s mouth. Ashton moaned, his hands finding residence in Calum’s hips and drawing him near, Calum whimpering when the older rocked his hips forward, slightly brushing their crotches together. Even with their boxers on, the contact made Ashton even more lightheaded, hands clutching Calum, bringing him closer until the space that had been between their bodies was no more.

Calum chose that moment to detach his lips from Ashton’s, kissing a trail down towards Ashton’s neck as his hands slid delicately over the older’s back, just a light caress. Ashton loved their rough, hard, fast times together, but there was something about the quiet, slow times that made his heart melt, that made him feel connected to Calum on a level nothing else could. His hips were slowly rocking against Calum’s, his right hand coming up to cradle the younger’s head as he sucked on a specially sensitive spot on Ashton’s neck. He could feel Calum growing steadily harder against his own cock, making him wish they could have taken off their boxers too when they climbed into the bed.

He waited until Calum reappeared in front of him, claiming his lips in a sweet kiss before pecking his nose.

“What do you want?” He whispered, nuzzling forward to Calum’s nose, his breathing coming out in pants, heart beating incredibly fast even with how gentle they were being with each other. Or perhaps due to it.

Calum rocked his hips forward, closing his eyes and letting out a little moan at it. “Can we just…” He sighed, pecking Ashton again before looking into his eyes. “Like this?”

Ashton brushed his thumb over Calum’s cheek, fingers scratching the younger’s neck how he knew Calum liked before answering.

“Yeah.” His lips brushed against the younger’s for a moment, taking in Calum’s laboured breathing, the way his eyes sparkled in the low light with what seemed like a sheen of tears. “We should probably take off our pants, though.”

Calum hummed, his hands going straight for Ashton’s waistband and tugging down, gently, waiting for Ashton to roll on his back and raise his hips to help him. Ashton felt almost overwhelmed by the way Calum’s eyes trailed over him, the look they held, he was looking at him like...

“You’re so stunning, Ash.” The younger murmured, leaning down and pressing a kiss on Ashton’s hip. It made the older’s heart skip a beat in his chest, tears welling up uninvited in his eyes. _God_, the way Calum made him _feel_ was unreal. He reached down to brush his knuckles over Calum’s cheek, too overwhelmed to speak up, the younger taking his hand and turning his head to press a kiss against them. Ashton sighed and closed his eyes, feeling the dip in the bed where Calum had been sat disappearing as the younger stood up taking off his boxers. He came back with their lube, squirting some into his hands before coating them both, climbing on top of Ashton and pushing their cocks together.

Ashton let out a hiss at the contact that Calum swallowed down, wasting no time in pressing his lips down on Ashton as he started to rock their hips together again. His hands were back to caressing every inch of Ashton’s skin, so the older took his cue and did the same, both hands trailing up Calum’s defined back towards his hair, tangling his fingers in it as his breath got lost in Calum’s.

When they came up for air, between moans and whimpers of them both, hips still working against each other’s, Calum nuzzled his nose, staring straight into Ashton’s eyes with that _something_ warm shining in them. Ashton _knew_ what it meant. Was still a bit scared of it, of how big everything felt, how _real_. How _deep_. And yet he couldn’t help but look back up to Calum with the same emotion reflected in his eyes.

“I’ve missed this.” He whispered, leaning up as his hands caressed Calum’s curls, a particular thrust from Calum at it making him whine. “I’ve missed _you._“

“Me too.” Calum said back, a moan escaping him as his hand clutched Ashton’s hip, his right searching the older’s on his head to lace their fingers. “If I tell you I’m super close will you laugh?” He whispered, closing his eyes for a moment.

Ashton did let out a breathless chuckle, grateful for the break in the heavy moment. “It’s not like you needed to voice it. I _know_ you.” He giggled, leaning up for a kiss that made Calum moan, quickening his pace on Ashton.

“I’m so _close_.” The boy repeated, his voice making something warm expand in Ashton’s chest, making something wake up in him, his heart beating up quicker at the expression on the younger’s face. He always looked so beautiful like this. Face flushed with pleasure, his eyes shining, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“Let go, Cal.” Ashton whispered, his nails delicately scratching Calum’s scalp, lips crashing against the younger’s, swallowing his moan as he quickened his pace chasing his orgasm. “You’re going to feel so good, babe. Let go.” Ashton added, pressing a kiss on the corner of Calum’s mouth, his hand squeezing Calum’s in his hold. The younger boy thrust a couple more times before coming in between their stomachs, a beautiful whine punched out of him as he clutched Ashton’s hand tightly, a tear escaping his eye that Ashton wiped away with his thumb.

It didn’t take much time for him to follow the boy. Watching Calum come undone always turned him on more than it should have been possible, his own orgasm coming quicker just because of it. But it was Calum’s hand on him paired with his lips on his ear, whispering a soft _‘come on, baby’ _in that fucked out tone of his he had right after coming, that made Ashton finally release this time, his back arching from the bed, a groan making it past his lips as he tightened his hold on Calum’s hand, coming so hard he almost blacked out.

They stayed still for a few moments, both basking in the moment, quiet, their breaths calming down. There was a mess in between their stomachs, but Calum was lightly tracing patterns up and down his torso, his hand still clutching Ashton’s as the older caressed through his hair. It was almost too precious a moment to break it with words, and yet Ashton knew they should at least clean their mess up. Dried cum wasn’t nice. And dried cum on sheets that weren’t theirs would be even worse. It was always a bitch to take out as it clung to textiles like no other substance Ashton had seen.

“We need to clean up, babe.” He whispered, his hand stilling in Calum’s hair.

“Five minutes, please.” Calum said quietly. Ashton’s heart was doing weird things in his chest, and he had never been too good at denying Calum things. So...

“Okay.”

* * *

Days seemed to go by quicker than Ashton would have liked. They had spent the first two holed up in the cottage, cuddling, napping, talking endlessly, and just... enjoying each other. They had only gone out twice for a walk, Calum insisting he wanted to get to know the area in case they couldn’t go to the observatory the night of the meteor shower. On the third day, they took the car up to Kilbirnie, spent the morning with Joy and David on the house and then met with Mali up in Largs for supper at the inn. It had been a lovely day. They had even taken a dip in the freezing sea, Calum insisting they couldn’t leave without Ashton having swam in their ocean. Ashton just prayed it didn’t mean they got sick from the cold.

Calum’s parents had insisted on them sleeping at the house for a night so they could drive back by day, but Calum had politely refused, saying he’d rather just drive back and then rest, gently squeezing Ashton’s hand as he said it. Ashton didn’t exactly know what was up with that, but he hadn’t tried to question it after Mali told him with a shrug to leave it be. Maybe Calum had talked to her about something.

It had been four days now into their week off, and Ashton still hadn’t been able to pluck up the courage to ask Calum to move in with him. He didn’t know why, he just… Every time he was about to say something, he cowed. And he truly didn’t know how to bring it up. So he spent the day lounging with Calum on the couch, making out and talking about everything and nothing.

By some weird struck of luck, he didn’t have to bring it up himself, though. Calum presented him with the perfect opportunity during breakfast of the fifth day. They had made pancakes together, the kitchen still a mess of flour and egg shells while they stuffed themselves up when Calum said it.

“I think Mike wants to ask Grace to move in with him.” The younger was toying with a blueberry, rolling it here and there on the plate, eyes unfocused.

Ashton almost choked on the bite he was trying to swallow. He could feel his heart picking up the pace, and something like sweat starting to form on his nape. He didn’t know why Calum was bringing it up. Maybe he thought it wasn’t the best idea, and he wanted someone to talk to about it that wasn’t Michael? The other boy and Grace had been dating for almost a year now, that Ashton knew. If Calum was against this in a relationship like the one those two shared, Ashton feared what the younger would have to say about their own.

“He told you?” He forced out, grabbing his glass and taking a big gulp of orange juice, trying to get past the knot growing on his throat.

“He didn’t have to.” Calum sighed. “He’s being weird with me for weeks, coming to my room and then going away without saying anything.”

Ashton stopped his fork halfway to his mouth, glancing up to Calum in worry. It was true that the flat he was living in was Michael’s, and that the most probably the next step for the older would be Grace moving in and Calum well… moving out. Ashton understood Michael’s hesitance to talk to him. If he was Michael, he too wouldn’t know how to breach the subject that his best friend had to kind of move out.

“I’m sure he just doesn’t know how to…” Ashton trailed off. It only gained a chuckle from Calum.

“Kick me off?” The younger shook his head, eyes meeting Ashton’s for a second before going back down to his plate and the blueberry.

It was the perfect moment to just blurt out what Ashton had been meaning to ask him the whole trip. He didn’t know Michael would have wanted to ask Grace to move in, and that that meant that Calum had virtually no flat felt like a sign from above. He took a deep breath, extending his hand slowly over the table, reaching for Calum’s.

“Babe?” He whispered, his thumb stroking over Calum’s knuckles trying to get the younger boy to look up to him.

Calum smiled at the pet name, but he kept his eyes down. It was almost like he knew what Ashton was going to ask and didn’t like it. Almost like he was steeling himself up to turn down Ashton’s offer even before he made it. It made it difficult to swallow past the lump in his throat, toying around which words to use. In the end, Ashton just went with the simplest approach.

“I’ve been meaning to ask _you_, actually.” He let out in a quiet voice, almost too quiet. Neither of them made a move to keep on eating, both scarily still. But Ashton knew Calum had heard, his hand had twitched at the words. He still tried to feign he hadn’t understood.

“About?” Calum asked, turning his hand and lacing his fingers through Ashton’s before looking into his eyes. There was something in the deep end of his brown eyes Ashton wasn’t quite sure he liked.

“I’ve been meaning to talk with you, about moving in together.” The older repeated himself, his heart starting to pace, but with something akin to dread and not excitement. It felt somehow _wrong_. And the way Calum was looking at him, like he regretted having asked Ashton to clarify. It were a few tense moments of silence before the younger finally said something.

“Ash…” He whispered, pursing his lips as he took his hand back from Ashton’s. He did stroke his knuckles with his thumb before taking the warmth of his skin away.

“Would that be...” Ashton trailed off, trying to swallow past his suddenly dried up throat. “... something that you want?”

Calum took a deep breath at that, glancing away and sighing, a weird expression on his face Ashton couldn’t quite place. It was like he was reading everything wrong. He really had thought Calum wanted to move in. There had been hints, from both of them; there had been entire conversations about the want being there, the ways they would decorate, the ways they would divide household chores. Ashton couldn’t have imagined or misread all those, could he?

Calum was letting out another sigh in front of him as if trying to work out in his head how to answer Ashton.

It took him a couple more seconds before he mustered up a “But we shouldn’t, right?”

_What_. That made Ashton frown. Shouldn’t? What was Calum even talking about? The younger was looking at him now, and Ashton knew this was a tactic of his. Answering with a question when he didn’t –or couldn’t– work through what he was feeling in order to put it into words. He just spilt out his fears instead of answering what Ashton had truly asked. So he reiterated himself, reaching forward to take Calum’s hand and squeezing, forcing the boy to stay in the moment and not glance away.

“I didn’t ask if we should, I asked if you wanted to.” He said calmly, sending the younger boy a smile, nudging him lightly under the table. “Why shouldn’t we, anyway?”

“It’s still early.”

It had plagued his mind for weeks, the thought that it was too early for them to take that huge step. But Ashton had gotten over it. What was considered usual for a lot of people couldn’t really apply to everyone, it always depended on the relationship, and… Ashton would bet moving in together was actually a really good step for them. They were ready, he thought.

Calum had turned his hand up and was playing with the fingers of Ashton’s right hand, quiet. Too quiet.

“It’s not _early_.” Ashton whispered, his own fingertips stroking over Calum’s, his eyes trained on their little game. He was avoiding Calum’s eyes now, scared of what he could find. It made Ashton feel younger than he had in _years_. Twenty five suddenly seemed not so old, and it scared him. It scared him because yeah, they were just kids. Calum _was_ younger than him. Maybe that was the fear that was driving him, committing at only twenty-three. But… They had never had a problem with that. Calum had never seemed scared of commitment, that was one of the things about him that drew Ashton in at first. The boy threw everything he had into whatever he was doing, and he was the same in a relationship. In their relationship. And… when you know, you _know_. And Ashton had been pretty sure for a while now. He had thought Calum was, too.

He got up from his chair, walked around the table, taking a seat in the one beside Calum’s. He wanted to be closer for this, and a table between them didn’t exactly scream intimacy. Ashton needed Calum _near_.

“I don’t think it is early for us.” He sighed quietly, eyes still cast down.

Calum laced their fingers at that, squeezing tight and raising Ashton’s chin with the other.

“Maybe it’s not.” He whispered with a smile. “But I don’t want to fuck things up, Ash.” He frowned. “This…” He glanced down at their joined hands and gave him another squeeze, his voice dripping warmth. “I… I want _this_ to last.” He finished with a quiet voice.

_I want us forever_, Ashton answered in his thoughts. He couldn’t really imagine a life without Calum. Not anymore. And they weren’t perfect, by any means. They still disagreed over more than half the stuff they talked about. They had little spats when they both were way too tired from work or uni, or even seemingly without any reason whatsoever. But they knew how to work on them. They didn’t hide. They _talked_ everything through. Ashton didn’t feel the hours tracking by when he was with the younger, talking or listening to him or just hanging out. Time just flew by him, always left him wanting more. More minutes, hours, days.. More kisses and hugs, more Calum, more _them_. He wanted _everything_ for them. And living together was just the start of that. Besides...

“Cal, we’ve been practically already living together.” He said, a chuckle escaping him when he thought that, yeah.

They had been living together. Calum still slept on his room at Michael’s a couple of times a week, but he called it _that_, _Michael’s_. It wasn’t _‘I’m going home’_ for him, hadn’t been for at least three months. Calum just said he was going back to Michael’s. Half of Ashton’s closet was Calum’s. Half of the younger’s books and notes were piled up in Ashton’s desk. His toothbrush was in the bathroom next to the older’s.

“You moving in would just be a technicality.” Ashton added, smiling even harder at Calum and reaching for the younger’s forehead, combing back a loose curl with his fingers trembling a little bit. His heart was beating fast, heartbeat loud in his ears, drumming in his throat.

“I don’t know, Ash.” Calum said, and something in his voice broke halfway through the sentence, betraying the younger’s inner conflict. About what exactly, Ashton didn’t know. Calum hadn’t exactly been forthcoming about what made him feel so scared.

There were two possible outcomes now. He either put everything on the table, put his heart on the line hoping it was enough and Calum was on the same page as him, or… he would fuck up by stating he _was_ on a different page, meaning they weren’t in sync. Ashton hoped it would be the first case, so he took a deep breath, and leaned closer to nuzzle Calum’s neck, drawing back to search for his eyes. The younger met his gaze, but there was a weariness pouring out of him, his hand trembling where it held Ashton’s.

“I want to live with you, Calum. I’d love for you to move in with me.” He whispered, trying and failing to control the way his heart beat rapidly in his chest. Calum was biting his lower lip softly, his thumb playing over Ashton’s hand where it reached.

“Are you sure?”

There was a hint of something still on his tone that Ashton couldn’t quite catch. Perhaps the fear of taking such a big step together, even if it wouldn’t have that noticeable consequences. It would just be a technicality, like Ashton had told him. And even then, it made Ashton nervous. So he chose to lay his heart bare, for Calum to see that he, too, was as scared as the younger.

“Of course I am sure, Cal.” He started, swallowing before continuing. “I’m scared, just as you are. But… I want us to build a life together. We have to start somewhere.”

There was the hint of a smile in Calum’s lips, begging to come out, but his eyes were holding him back.

“Are you sure this isn’t just because… I pointed out Michael and Grace?”

And there it was, Calum’s fear, finally coming past his lips. Ashton couldn’t help the giggle that came out at that, even when it made Calum frown and lean slightly away from him, a bit… hurt.

“It’s not about that, Calum. It’s about _us_.” He assured the younger, squeezing his hand. Ashton couldn’t bear to look at him when Calum looked unsure of himself, but he forced himself not to break the gaze. It was a rare sight, Calum being like this, but because of it whenever the younger felt like that Ashton’s heart worried even more. He smiled back at him, reassuringly. “I assumed you were going to move in when your lease was up, independently of Mike’s business.”

Calum let out a snort at that, his eyes crinkling up just the way Ashton loved on him, amusement and _happiness_ shining through his warm brown eyes. His lips turned up into a smirk as he turned to Ashton.

“Oh, you _assumed_.” He answered, his eyebrows shooting up, another small chuckle escaping him. Ashton rolled his eyes at him, pushing his shoulder lightly against Calum’s, trying to contain his smile, wanting to finish talking about the important stuff. Wanting to make sure Calum _understood_.

“I want you with me. I want us together, Cal.” He spoke softly, his eyes searching for Calum’s again, the light in the younger’s being more subdued,... deeper. It was a look Calum gifted him sometimes, late at night just before sleep, in the morning before they said goodbye, a rare afternoon they had had time together cuddling in the sofa at Ashton’s place. It was a look Ashton associated with New Year’s, and snow, sunsets and warmth. He could only hold it so long, overwhelming as it was. So he glanced back down to their hands, lifting Calum’s to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss against the younger’s knuckles. “It’s not about anyone but us. I literally made you a set of keys the day before we left, wanted to give them to you here. I forgot it at home.” He admitted with an embarrassed chuckle, looking back up to Calum. “I wanted to ask you, just didn’t know how to.”

Calum squeezed his hand at that, a smile playing on his lips.

“You could have just… said so.” The younger chuckled. Ashton shoved him lightly again, leaning close after it, his lips just a breath away from Calum’s. The younger’s eyes this close always fascinated Ashton. He knew he had to be almost crossed eyed, not an attractive sight at all, but… Calum was just too beautiful up close not to take the chance. “You could have just brought it up.”

“I was scared you were going to say no.” Ashton confessed quietly.

He closed his eyes and leaned away, but Calum’s free hand stopped him, cradling his face.

“I could never say no to _us_.” Calum whispered, and Ashton’s heart gave a lurch.

It was always like this. Calum always had the perfect words, the best way to make Ashton feel dizzy and warm and so… happy. It made his knees weak and his heartbeat pick up, tears forming in the corner of his eyes as he held Calum’s gaze. That something molten and tender was still there, shining in the younger’s eyes, ten times stronger than just a moment ago.

He felt Calum’s thumb wiping away a couple of stray tears that had fallen down his cheeks, his hand still cradling Ashton’s jaw. There were _words_ stuck in the older’s throat, begging to come out, but somehow he couldn’t find his voice. Not just yet.

Calum did find his, though. “Besides, you said it. It would just be a technicality.” He chuckled lightly, smiling.

Ashton knew he was trying to lighten up the mood, that Calum had sensed his inability to speak and was doing it for him. The younger looked at him with half a smile, his eyes betraying the happiness he felt too, and Ashton couldn’t help but beam back.

“You have half your closet already at home.” He managed out after a couple coughs, blinking away the tears clouding his vision, fond smile pulling on his lips. “Plus, you invaded the kitchen.”

“It wasn’t an _invasion._“ Calum whined, leaning away for a moment as Ashton started giggling at him. “It was more of a… gentle take over.”

“You threw me out while you rearranged everything!” Ashton snorted.

“But I threw you out _gently_.”

The older stopped laughing all together. Calum had said it so convinced that Ashton couldn’t help but stare at him with a questioning look. 

He still remembered that day, around February. Calum had helped him run some errands, including grocery shopping. They had gone directly from his night shift for it, having a quick breakfast in between. When they arrived at the flat Ashton had gone to lie down for a bit, exhausted, Calum assuring him he could cook lunch and use the rest of the time to study. Ashton had come out of his room, at three pm, to find his kitchen a mess, everything out of the cabinets like a storm had gone through them, and Calum in the middle of it all, his hands holding all of Ashton’s spices, a guilty look on his face_. I thought I’d have time to tidy up before you woke up,_ he had said, making Ashton break out into a fit of giggles. Calum had finished rearranging everything by dinner after kicking Ashton out, and from then on, he had kind of taken over kitchen duty. Ashton hadn’t really questioned it.

He held that memory real close to his heart. Calum had felt comfortable enough in the flat to take over, rearrange everything to his liking. It had meant, he saw Ashton’s flat as more than just that, more like a safe space, like _his place_. He had made himself _at home_ in the kitchen, in Ashton’s bed. Ashton was just hoping to extend that feeling to the whole place. Making it a home for them both.

Calum’s lips were twitching when Ashton glanced down, and he knew the younger was trying to hold back from laughing. He was probably remembering the incident, same as him. They stared at each other, both trying not to give in into laughter until they couldn’t hold it anymore, breaking into giggles as they kept looking at each other.

“Oh god, I did throw you out.” Calum said in between bouts of laughter. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ashton snorted right back. “It was actually pretty funny, you, holding all the spice cases up, in the middle of the tiny kitchen, all the cabinets opened and things spread on the counters.”

They kept laughing for a while, seemingly unable to stop. At some point, Ashton’s stomach started aching from it all, his face muscles complaining too about the ever-present smile in his face. They calmed down shortly after that, both sobering up even if their eyes still sparkled with amusement at the memory.

“The point I was trying to make earlier–” Ashton resumed. “–is that I really do want to live with you, Cal. For real. And I don’t care where. We can look for a place together if that’s what you want. One that’s _ours_.”

Calum made a weird face at that, and Ashton was just about to ask when the younger answered him.

“I still don’t know where I’m going to be able to get a job next year, Ash.” He said slowly, like he was laying it down gently before Ashton. The possibility that he wouldn’t be able to move in because of whatever job he found.

“What matters to me is living with you, not where we live. We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.” Ashton assured him. He liked living in Cambourne, so close to Cambridge, close to Luke. He loved his place. But if Calum got a job somewhere else, he would definitely plan for a transfer or whatever he had to in order to live together. He wasn’t giving up on them just because of a job placement. “So, do you want to move in? Then we’ll plan?” He asked again.

He knew he was being annoying, he saw it in the way Calum fondly rolled his eyes at him, felt it when the words resonated in his ears like an echo of all the previous times he had already asked Calum in the span of maybe half an hour.

The boy answered him anyway, leaning forward for a chaste kiss, remaining against Ashton’s lips as he said, “Yes.”

“Yeah?”

Calum nodded with a hum, a small smile taking hold of his features as he leaned back, his eyes shining.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

Ashton couldn’t help the squeal that left his lips at that, his hands flying towards Calum’s face and bringing him closer, crashing their lips together for a quick kiss before drawing him into a hug, tightening his arms around him. Calum responded eagerly, bouts of happy giggles falling from his lips near Ashton’s ears, making the older’s heart pick up the pace. Calum’s laughter always had that effect. It just made Ashton _so_ happy that the younger felt happy.

Calum’s hands squeezed their hold on his tee –Calum’s own actually, Ashton had borrowed it in the middle of the night because he was cold–, his arms tight enough around him that Ashton found breathing just a tad difficult, but it was worth it. Ashton could feel Calum’s heartbeat through the layers of clothing, fast and happy, almost mirroring his own. And all just because they had agreed to live together. There were more tears threatening to fall down Ashton’s cheeks when he realised that. Calum was going to move in. They were going to live together. No more saying goodbye in the morning. No more, _I have to go back to the flat to be closer to work_. Just… coming _home_ to each other. Sharing everything. Having Calum closer, nearer. His laughter in the mornings, their quiet pillow talks. Shit, Ashton couldn’t _wait_ for it all.

“Ash?” Calum whispered next to his ear, tightening the hug before leaning away.

“Yeah?”

Calum was biting his lip, his eyes serious despite the warmth shining in them. Ashton’s heart picked up the pace again, but it wasn’t out of worry. One of the younger’s hands had found its way to his, glancing down for a bit to watch their fingers playing with each other’s before looking into Ashton’s eyes again.

“I like the flat. We don’t need to look for a place. The flat could be _ours_.” Calum whispered, his lips twitching upwards in a small smile. Ashton heard him taking a deep breath, leaning forward to nuzzle him as he continued, “It’s… it’s where _we_ started. I… it already feels like _home_.”

There was a solitary tear falling down Calum’s cheek, Ashton rushing with his free hand to wipe it away. The younger kept smiling so hard through it, that same feeling from before shining in the back of his eyes as he stared into Ashton’s. It hadn’t really left Calum’s eyes for a while.

“Yeah?”

Calum nodded, and Ashton knew he didn’t trust himself to speak. Ashton’s own voice had sounded strangled with just one syllable, overcome with emotion as he was. That Calum felt like home in the flat, _their_ flat was… there were no words.

He leaned forward again, not breaking eye contact, waiting just a few centimetres away from Calum’s lips. He took in the crinkles in Calum’s eyes, the way his lips still stretched into a smile so big his cheeks rounded up like the little kid he used to be, the little kid Ashton had seen in countless photos now. There was a sheen of tears in his eyes, but then again, there was also one over Ashton’s. He felt Calum squeezing his hand, his nose nuzzling against his. Ashton took one last look to Calum’s eyes before closing the gap between them, softly pressing his lips against the younger’s, swallowing the gasp Calum let out even when he had known Ashton’s next move.

It was amazing how just a simple kiss, a barely there touch of their lips, could bring Ashton so much happiness, so much… emotion. He had been feeling it for a while now, just hadn’t found the right way to utter those words. He didn’t think he would be able to right that moment either. So he closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, breaking apart Calum’s lips and tangling their tongues together, his right hand finding its way to Calum’s hair and locking itself there. Calum was still clutching his other hand like a lifeline, his thumb stroking over Ashton’s palm every so often.

It was exhilarating, knowing they were both on the same page, knowing they were both in, both ready. It left him more breathless than the kiss itself, knowing Calum felt the same. He could feel it in the way the younger held him, kissed him, caressed him. He had heard it in his words, earlier. Ashton still couldn’t believe this was his life.

They broke apart slowly, almost reluctantly. Calum let out a small, precious giggle against his lips, seemingly unable to contain the glee over just one kiss. Ashton opened his eyes, but the younger’s were still closed as he leaned his forehead against Ashton’s.

The words were hanging in between them. Silent. But heard. Ashton wasn’t in a hurry. He knew what he felt; he knew how Calum felt. Words were just… words. Important, but… just a way to name something that was already there. Already alive. It had been alive for a long while now. And Ashton hoped, it would be alive for even longer.

* * *

“By the way, I asked for that week off at Christmas.” Ashton said, walking carefully over a digged up root, watching over his shoulder to check that Calum was still, indeed, following him.

They were approximately twenty minutes away from the Observatory, having found it better to go off on their own to find a clear in the forest where they could lie down for the main event of the night. Ashton had already seen a couple of shooting stars on their way there, Calum being jealous because he hadn’t been looking up right those moments.

“Did they give you an answer?” Calum asked, panting a little from the exertion.

“Alistair can’t confirm it yet. Said I had to wait at least until September.” Ashton whined. He got that it was still early, but last year they had given him the okay by more or less mid-August.

“Well, we can start planning something then.” Calum answered him, his hand resting just a moment in Ashton’s shoulder as it squeezed it.

“Okay.” Ashton nodded.

He too was starting to sweat with the amount of layers they had donned in before starting the trek, Calum warning him that if they had to wait for just before the sunrise for a better visibility, it would grow cold. And it was. The wind came icy, but Ashton was wearing too many layers, and he really was hoping to be able to lie down soon. It was already one am, and even when they had been lazing around all day resting to be able to stay up for this, Ashton was tired.

“How long till the clear?”

“It should be right up ahead, if I don’t remember it wrong.” Calum huffed, stepping around him, his hands clutching the straps of his telescope. He had insisted on bringing it, to show Ashton the stars in a place where they could truly see them.

It had amazed Ashton, the sheer amount of stars lighting up the sky. He had thought it was just a movie trick, when they showed a sky like that in a film, but… there were just too many to keep count here. He could definitely understand why Calum had fallen in love with this sky, with this place, with astronomy and astrophysics. It was hard not to stay still in awe of all the blinking lights. It made Ashton feel small, too, but… It was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen.

They reached the clear soon after, Ashton taking out his own bag and laying a couple of blankets on the floor, fishing out the thermos too, eager to have some hot chocolate. Calum had baked some cookies too, but Ashton preferred to have them for later, a kind of breakfast before they drove back to the cottage.

Calum was setting up the telescope, biting his tongue in concentration as he changed lens and everything. Ashton was aware that he had been staring for a couple of minutes, but he couldn’t just look away. The younger boy looked gorgeous in the moonlight that was filtering through the few clouds adorning the sky. It wasn’t the best night for star sighting, Calum had said, but right at that moment, Ashton didn’t really care. Calum shone on his own, his skin glowing in the low light, his ever-present smile drawing him in.

Ashton left the thermos on the ground, starting to walk slowly towards Calum, wrapping his arms around the younger’s waist and hugging him close, near, burying his face in his shoulder.

“What?” He asked, laughter seeping into his tone.

“Nothing.” _You looked gorgeous_. “Just wanted a hug.”

Calum let out another short laugh at that, turning his head to press a kiss against Ashton’s temple.

“If you give me five minutes, we can cuddle all you want.”

“Only five?” Ashton joked, peering over Calum’s shoulder to his telescope bag on the ground, some parts still left to attach to the main body.

“Shut up. It’ll be worth it when the clouds clear up a bit.” Calum promised, giving him a quick peck before untangling Ashton’s arms from around him.

Ashton hummed and went back to the blankets, serving himself a bit of hot chocolate with coffee. He smiled when he noticed Calum had added cinnamon –not that he ever forgot, but, it was still nice that he remembered–. It tasted heavenly on his tongue, just the right kind of rich taste, warming him up entirely from just one sip. Calum had gotten even better at making them, and Ashton suspected he was the cause of it. He had requested them so many times in the past eight months that he had feared he would start putting on weight because of it.

It was more than half an hour, in the end, until Calum finished preparing and calibrating the telescope, searching for something in the sky as he muttered stuff under his breath Ashton hadn’t been able to catch. He beckoned Ashton closer, excitedly, at around 2am, wanting to show him some constellation or other he had been searching for.

“Look! I’ve found the Bubble Nebula!” His grin and the way he was hoping in place like a little kid who had just received a long-awaited present was too cute for Ashton not to want to squeeze him right then and there, but he contained himself how he could.

“Alright, show me.” Ashton chuckled fondly.

Calum grabbed him by the hand and told him to look through the viewfinder without touching anything, hovering over him as Ashton tried to focus his gaze enough to see anything. It was quite difficult with his glasses in between his eyes and the lens. But he saw it, faintly. If Calum hadn’t shown pictures of it before to him, Ashton would have been unable to recognise it, but, he did.

“Cool, right?” Calum nudged him on the side, hooking his chin over his shoulder as his arms came around Ashton’s middle.

“Yeah.” Ashton answered, and when he turned around he felt breathless. He always did when he got to see how excited and happy studying the night sky made Calum. How his face was so open, his smile so big, the enthusiasm exuding out of his every pore. It was awe-inspiring. “Show me something else, please.”

Calum let out an excited squeal at that, and took out his sky chart, ready to start looking for another constellation to show him. And just like that, any plans of cuddling on the ground were out the window. But Ashton didn’t care. He enjoyed these nights with Calum. They had gone stargazing with Calum’s portable telescope twice, but, back in Cambourne, there had been more light pollution than there was here, and Ashton could see _why_ Calum loved this place so much. It was hard not to.

They stayed up, searching for stars and planets and constellations until almost four, when Calum said they should probably lie down to catch the shooting stars in their peak. Ashton had again caught a couple ones shooting through the sky while Calum was resetting the telescope, making the younger even grumpier at having yet caught none. Ashton had just laughed, starting to help him pack everything back where it belonged so they could sit down and stare at the stars for a while.

“It’s not fair you’ve seen four shooting stars already, leave some for me.” Calum whined as he took a seat right next to where Ashton had laid down. “I want to wish for things.”

“Yeah? What do you want to wish for?” Ashton asked quietly, tugging on Calum’s jacket so the younger would fall back against Ashton’s chest.

“If I tell you it won’t come true.”

“You said literally less than a week ago that wishing on a piece of rock entering our atmosphere was a ‘wee bit wacky’.” Ashton snorted.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t wish on it.” Calum said stubbornly.

Ashton just hummed, leaving a kiss on Calum’s hair before looking back up towards the sky. Calum had pointed to the direction most shooting stars would probably come from, right in between Cassiopeia and Perseus. There were too many stars to choose a fixed point in the sky, though, so Ashton let his gaze wander.

Calum had taken his right hand in his, started drawing random patterns up and down his forearm as he looked up at the sky, his breathing calm enough that was making Ashton sleepy. He had grown too accustomed to hearing Calum’s breath and heartbeat close during the night that now he reacted to it as if it was time to sleep. And it kind of was.

Half an hour later, Calum had sat up, unable to stay put in a place long enough. Ashton suspected that he had had too much hot chocolate, and thus, coffee. The younger wasn’t as used to it as Ashton, and it normally made him jumpy.

Ashton had snuggled up to him, laying his head on Calum’s lap, letting out a content sigh when the younger started combing through his hair gently. It calmed them both. Calum had a way to keep his hands moving, and Ashton enjoyed the caresses. They caught several shooting stars this time around, both marvelling at them, Calum even letting out shrills of excitement when they saw a couple of particularly large ones. Ashton’s attention had been divided between the sky and Calum. He couldn’t help but stare at him, his heart beating happily in his chest that he got to share a moment such as this with him. That they were together, alone, in this place, taking each other in, enjoying each other,... It was too good to be true.

“This place is just… I love it.” Calum sighed, a sweet giggle escaping past his lips as he kept his gaze up to the sky, his eyes shining.

He looked so beautiful. He always _did_. The most beautiful person Ashton had ever seen. He had this kind of... calm, warm aura around him. Made the older feel _safe_. The cool breeze coming from the forest was ruffling through Calum’s black hair, his short curls swaying in it. Ashton could perfectly see the stars from where he was lying on the ground, his head pillowed on Calum’s thighs. His heart was beating fast in his chest, but he could feel Calum’s pulse. Sure, steady. It brought peace to him. It brought warmth. It brought…

Oh god.

_Oh god._

How had it taken him so _long_ to reach this. To reach the stage he could name it and feel it to its fullest. Ashton had sensed it from the start, this was where everything had been leading to. He had had the word scurrying through his thoughts, elusive, for a while. It refused to get past Ashton’s lips. He had been waiting for the perfect moment to voice it out loud. Waiting to be ready. Because he knew, he just _knew_ Calum already knew it. Calum already knew what he felt.

From the moment Calum first fell asleep on him in their first date. From the moment Calum came to his flat. Everything about him… Everything about _them_. The feeling had been there. Growing with every touch, every word, every smile. Ashton knew it, and he was pretty sure Calum wasn’t clueless about it either. And it still had scared Ashton shitless, toying with the word in his own mind, nevermind saying it out loud. He had been scared the first time it crossed his mind, the second, the third. He had been scared when he asked Calum to move in just a couple of days ago, because it had been the perfect moment, he had seen it in Calum’s eyes, had felt it swelling on his own chest, filling him up and making him feel _warm_. Ashton had been fucking terrified.

He wasn’t, now. He didn’t really know what had changed, only knew that the words were right at the tip of his tongue threatening to spill out, tumble from his lip in a tangled mess that Calum would probably not understand if not for the look Ashton was sure he was giving him.

Because he was staring at Calum with his mouth parted, dry, his heart wildly beating in his chest. He was staring at Calum just now realising that he would have a seemingly endless string of sunsets with him, of sunrises together. Calum was softly breathing, his chest going up and down slowly, his eyes wide and bright looking up at the sky, marvelled by it, by its beauty. But Ashton was marvelled by _his_. His mind, his kindness, his touch, his smile and his hugs, his words,... Fuck. _Fuck_.

But Calum started talking right then, effectively cutting through his haze, his thoughts.

“You know, there are a ton of stars we can’t see from here because the radiation they emit isn’t just right.” He started, and Ashton rolled on his side so he could face him better as he spoke. Trying to come back fully from the realisation he had just had. “Neutron stars, for example. They’re rare, really dense. Some only emit in x-rays, invisible to the human eye and most telescopes.”

That rang a bell in Ashton’s mind. Calum had told him about them, something about them being the size of Manhattan but the mass of twice the sun. It had been part of one of Calum’s last exams, the boy had been nervous because he hadn’t been able to stick the facts in his brain, so Ashton had helped him with it. He had also said...

“You said they collapsed into a black hole if they collided, right?” He said as he craned his neck up to look at him better.

Calum was looking down at him with an adoring smile, like he couldn’t believe Ashton remembered it.

“It’s one of the possible outcomes, aye.” Calum nodded. “We actually haven’t witnessed it until just recently, and even then we’re not sure. It’s just hypotheses and computer simulations.” He finished, scrunching up his face.

Ashton couldn’t stop the giggle that came up his throat at it. Calum was just too cute for his own good, and that expression on his face was priceless. He sobered up quickly enough when he noticed the younger had gone back to look at the sky, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes thoughtful.

“Most of our galaxy’s gold is supposed to have been created in one of those collisions, you know?” He mustered, but he didn’t look back down to Ashton, he stayed with his eyes up, seemingly lost in his thoughts. “That’s why it is such a rare element. Because neutron star collisions don’t happen that often.” He sighed. His voice was wistful, like he was remembering something, something _important_. Ashton wondered what it was. “It has to be a beautiful spectacle, don’t you think?”

Well, it had to, yes. Beautifully _terrifying_. Even if the process took too long for a single human to witness, thinking in such vast quantities of time made Ashton dizzy, made him feel small, his life so fleeting.

“But Cal... if they collapse into a black hole,...–” Ashton suddenly asked, confused. How could Calum think of something so destructive as beautiful? “–... doesn’t that swallow everything around it? Even _light_?”

Calum did look down at that, his eyes finding Ashton’s and holding his gaze, something shining in the back of them.

“We can’t know what happens inside a black hole. It’s impossible in the space-time continuum we live.” Calum said slowly, frowning like he was thinking of a way to explain it to Ashton without losing him halfway through.

For anyone else, maybe it could have made them feel insulted that they were dumbing things down for then, but in cases like these, where Ashton knew he didn’t have a single clue on the subject, he was actually glad that Calum tried to explain everything in simpler terms. Ashton’s basic understanding of black holes came from Calum being a good communicator, he had never known anything about them before. And that lead him to the first thing about them Calum had told him, “But we _do_ know black holes devour everything around them, right? Because of their gravity?”

“Yeah, but… from outside we can only see it in slow motion. We’ll never experience it firsthand, at least not _us_. Not anyone in a long time, either.”

“That sounds scary, Cal. How can you call that beautiful?” Ashton frowned. And it wasn’t in a sarcastic way, he was just still confused as to how the younger could see a collision between stars that triggered the birth of a black hole as a beautiful spectacle. When it was the beginning of the end for anything within the black hole’s gravity range.

Calum smiled at his words, though, seemingly happy that Ashton was okay to keep talking about this. Even if Ashton had disagreed on his point of view. It made the older happy, seeing how excited Calum got when they talked about anything pertaining to space and his studies. How excited Calum got when Ashton followed his thought process, engaged in the conversation, took an interest in his biggest passion. It was heartwarming to see the younger brightening up just by having a simple conversation. He was biting his lip again, pensive, before the corner of his mouth turned up in a slight smile.

“Okay.” Calum said. “You remember Interstellar?”

Ashton frowned a bit, but nodded, sitting up slowly as he held Calum’s gaze.

“Our laws of physics don’t allow us to know what goes on inside a black hole because they –and us, theoretically– would cease to exist once we crossed the event horizon.” Calum explained.

“That was the point of no return, right? Where light can’t escape the gravity?” Ashton asked, wanting clarification in case he had gotten lost already. But Calum smiled encouragingly at him as he continued.

“Yes. Once the event horizon is crossed, our laws of physics, everything we know, space, time, they aren’t anymore. Everything is unknown, everything is new.”

Ashton swallowed at that. To think of everything as it was in their world changing, warping, disappearing… Black holes still sounded terrifying to him. Calum’s logic behind them being beautiful still escaped him, so he asked directly about it.

“How do you find it beautiful, then? It’s… terrifying.”

“If we didn’t find the strange and unknown beautiful nothing would ever get discovered. Nothing would ever _start_.” Calum answered, his lips twitching up in the shadow of a smile. His hand had found Ashton’s, lacing their fingers together and squeezing as he looked down on them, a slight blush suddenly covering his cheeks. “Two days ago I almost said no to moving in with you, Ash. Because I was _scared_.” He confessed in a quiet voice, his fingers playing with Ashton’s, his eyes fixed on their hands. “Because it would be a change, and I feared what I didn’t _know_. Still do.”

Ashton leaned forward, closing the space between them as he left a kiss near the corner of Calum’s mouth, his heart picking up at the way Calum drew in his breath.

“But… it’s beautiful. Jumping without knowing what’s going to happen. I want that with you. I want to jump, I want to cross that event horizon with you.” Calum stopped playing with his hand, drawing it up and leaving a kiss on Ashton’s knuckles before letting it go as he stared into his soul, making Ashton feel lightheaded for a moment at the feeling he saw pooling deep in Calum’s eyes. “We can’t stop our lives from moving forward just because we don’t _know_ what’s going to happen, right? Time doesn’t work that way outside of a black hole. It’s always ticking, moving ahead. We can just… _Live_.”

Calum laughed a little after it, like he was embarrassed at how deep a turn the conversation had taken. There was an adorable blush on his cheeks, rounded in his effort to contain the nervous smile pulling at his lips. He was looking away now, eyes back to the blue sky he loved so much, darting from one star to another. They were shining in the low light, like Calum was about to cry. His hair was a mess on top of his head, tousled by the slight breeze ruffling through the trees of the forest. He had drawn in his knees hugging them close, the sleeves of the hoodie he had borrowed _–stolen–_ from Ashton’s closet back in February covering his hands. He was…

“I love you.”

Calum’s eyes snapped back into his, wide with surprise and questioning, like he didn’t think he had heard right. Ashton hadn’t intended on letting it slip. Had known it was on the tip of his tongue for some time, but he had thought he would have more restrain, that he would be able to wait for the perfect moment, the perfect day to say it.

And yet… They were here, alone under the stars. Together. Happy. It had been a great day in the sense that it had been as normal as it could have ever been. He had woken up before Calum, gotten to see him sleep, watch over him. They had cooked breakfast together; they had showered, walked a bit around the cottage, talked, napped, ate, shared. Ashton probably would have probably never gotten tired of repeating the same day if that was his fate, even as uneventful as it had been.

Calum was still looking at him like he didn’t believe what he had just uttered. His hands were clutching each other around his knees, his eyebrows furrowed. There was uncertainty in his eyes that Ashton didn’t like, wouldn’t like to ever see again. The slight blush was still covering his cheeks, barely visible in the moonlight. Calum was holding his breath, waiting for Ashton to say something, anything.

Wind had picked up a bit, messing Calum’s hair even more and leaving all his curls to fall over his eyes. Ashton felt himself reaching forward to brush them away, his hand staying still on Calum’s face, frozen as he stared into the younger’s eyes, his heart swelling in his chest when he gave himself permission to really feel what he felt, not caring how scary it was. Calum had a solitary tear tracking down his cheek, Ashton catching it before it rolled down to his lip, wiping it away lightly. His eyes hadn’t left Calum’s.

“Gosh, _I’m so in love with you._” Ashton exhaled.

He was in awe of Calum’s expression, something deep and warm shining on his eyes that Ashton had seen every single day for a while now. In their silences. While they were in bed together. On the mornings, just woken up. Every time he picked Calum up from campus, the younger rushing to his arms with a huge smile on his face. Every time Ashton had come home to him. Every laugh he managed to pull out of Calum’s lips, every smile.

It was silent between them for a few more seconds before Calum raised his free hand, cradling Ashton’s face and bringing their foreheads together, gently, like he didn’t dare do anything that would disturb the little bubble that had formed around them. Not once did he look away from Ashton’s eyes.

The slight breeze was still swaying the branches near them. There was an owl close-by. The stars still shone above them. Ashton’s heart had calmed down somewhat, Calum always did that. His touch did that. It grounded him. He was Ashton’s safe space. 

“I love you.” He repeated a third time, his voice barely a whisper in the night.

Calum’s voice hitched at it this time. His eyes closed for a moment, a small, such, such sweet smile pulling at his lips.

“I love _you_.” Calum whispered back, his voice so full of… love. Dripping with it, overflowing.

Ashton felt warm all over, happiness spreading slowly but surely through his veins, tears suddenly threatening to spill from the corner of his eyes. There were some already spilling down Calum’s cheeks, but the younger’s smile was so bright, so _real_.

Ashton was aware that maybe his heart should have been beating a million miles an hour, that he should have been nervous, that he should have been feeling ready to jump out, shout at the top of his lungs how he felt, how _Calum _made him **_feel._** Because it was still scary as shit, but… Instead…

Instead, he felt a kind of quiet calmness, a sureness that this was exactly where he should have always been, where he had always been meant to be. Where he belonged. _There_. At _that_ moment. Calum’s slow breath hitting his lips, the salt of his tears wetting his lips slipping past them as he breathed Calum in deeply. The warmest feeling radiating through his heart, spreading through his veins like wildfire, molten lava. And yet, he was so _in peace_.

He didn’t feel nervous because this… this had been going on for much longer than just now. And the words were important. But they had been _in love_ for longer. They had been together in it for a while now. And that made it not so scary. It made it… safe.

And _that_ feeling.

_Shit_, Ashton wanted to hold on to it for as long as he could. Wanted to capture that moment and put it away on a safe place to visit later, to live in forever, to _be_ in forever. All wrapped up in each other, alone, only their breaths and the sounds of nature around them. The stars. The slight breeze. The way Calum’s breath hitched whenever Ashton combed another curl backwards, away from his face. The way he couldn’t stop looking into the younger’s eyes, his own shedding tears of joy. He wanted to _be_ with Calum in this moment forever. Just… Together.

It was a certain kind of warmth that was moving him when he leaned forward, his hand moving to cradle Calum’s head delicately as another sigh spilled from his lips. “I love you, Calum. With my _whole_ heart.” His breath ghosted over the younger’s lips as he opened his eyes, finding Calum’s staring back at him. Open and honest and _love_ shining right through them. “I…”

“I _know_.” Calum whispered back, his right hand flying to cover Ashton’s on his neck, his fingers gently wrapping around his wrist. “Me too, Ash._ I love you_, so much. I’ve been waiting to tell you for _months_.”

That made Ashton let out a watery chuckle.

“Why wait?” He piped up, his voice low and nose bumping against the black-haired boy’s.

Calum just looked at him, his eyes giving Ashton the sole answer he needed. _For you_, they said. And then Ashton was leaning in, his eyes never leaving Calum’s, his hand caressing Calum’s hair on his nape, revelling in the way the younger shivered at his touch, his breath hitched. It was quite chilly for August –more than usual there–, Calum had told him, but the sky was completely clear now over their heads now, stars shining on them and soft breeze ruffling through the leaves of the trees down at the forest. Ashton was sure everything looked just beautiful, but he couldn’t look away from Calum’s eyes. He was locked in there, drowning in the way they gleamed with a sheen of tears. How they crinkled at the edges from the smile on Calum’s lips. He was drowning in the _love_ he felt surrounding them.

And then Calum was kissing him, their lips softly brushing against each other’s, slowly, with all the care in the world. Ashton felt warmer than he had ever felt, _love_ wrapping around them like a blanket _–a blue and golden blanket–_, making him clutch Calum closer. But he didn’t move to deepen the kiss, not yet. Calum didn’t either. Instead they stayed there, just a delicate slide of their lips. Slow. Allowing themselves to _feel_, to breathe each other in, to bask in their love for each other.

Ashton wished the moment could last forever, but eventually they had to come out for air, both still with their eyes closed, their foreheads resting against each other’s, Calum’s soft pants hitting his lips. His heart was racing this time, thanks to the kiss. Slow kiss, quick heartbeat.

Calum’s hand had wormed its way into his again, his fingers lightly caressing over Ashton’s, making the hairs all over his arm stand up straight, warmth pooling down in his stomach at the tenderness Calum was treating him with.

He didn’t want to break the silence that had fallen around them, but, there were still words fighting to get past his lips. Things he needed Calum to know.

He took a deep breath before he muttered, “I waited, too.”

He opened his eyes to watch Calum’s reaction, but the younger only smiled at his words, eyes opening and meeting Ashton’s dead on, amused.

“I had a feeling.” He said cheekily, and Ashton felt a giggle coming up his throat.

“You’re too smart for me.” He huffed, shaking his head fondly. He could never be a step ahead Calum. It was too difficult. He stopped Calum’s caresses on his hand, taking it in his, stroking over the initials tattooed there before lacing their fingers and squeezing, holding it strong for support before he uttered his next words, “I was scared of saying it. Of what it meant.”

Calum frowned at it, his lips turning down for just a second, opening his eyes and holding Ashton’s gaze. “And now?”

Ashton’s heart had healed, for the most part, but there were still scars in it. Memories. Loving Calum was the scariest thing he had ever done in his life, but somehow… also the easiest. The safest. Being with Calum, as scary as it was, also made him feel _safe_. In their relationship, in their future.

“Still am, but you…” He trailed off, trying to put it into words, eyes darting down as he steeled himself to say his next words, they were important. “You also make me feel _safe_, Cal. And... I couldn’t… I couldn’t wait until I stop being scared. I had to tell you.”

Calum leaned forward at that, nuzzling him softly, leaving a soft kiss on his cheek. He leaned back, his eyes searching for Ashton’s. “Hey, _scared together_, remember?”

Ashton let out a watery chuckle at it, just now realising he had started crying, Calum wiping away his tears with his thumb.

“Yeah.” He nodded, smiling through the tears. “We can be _scared together_.”

Calum nodded too, a little laugh escaping him before he crashed his lips against Ashton’s, eager. The kiss couldn’t really be called like such, because they were both laughing and crying at the same time, Calum whispering _I love you’s_ under his breath against the older’s lips, breaking away to laugh some more before diving back in. For more kisses, more giggles, more _love_.

Ashton felt on cloud nine. His heart was beating happily inside his chest, his feelings making him dizzy and lightheaded, wanting to be closer to Calum, feel his joy, the way he laughed. He ended up tumbling on top of Calum, both giggling like school kids as Ashton straddled him, catching himself before he knocked his head against the younger’s.

Calum was staring up at him with stars in his eyes, the biggest smile Ashton had ever seen on him lighting up his whole face. He was flushed up to his ears, his cheeks so rounded Ashton was tempted to lean closer and bite them. It had been a while since he last did that. It could be fun, watching Calum’s offended face before it melted to giggles. But Ashton was too enthralled with the way Calum was looking up at him. He could do nothing but stare and sigh, smiling back with the same force.

“I am _so_ happy.” He whispered, closing the gap between them for a short kiss, Calum arching from the floor trying to follow him, asking for another kiss. It made Ashton chuckle softly, one of his hands coming down to comb through the younger’s hair, sliding down to cup his face, his thumb stroking gently over his cheek.

“You’re the one who makes me happy, Ash.” Calum whispered, swallowing like emotion had made the words difficult to say. “So, _so_ happy. You can’t even imagine.”

“Just as you, me.” Ashton whispered back, still amazed by the way love shined deep in Calum’s eyes, the way Calum’s entire body spoke of it. Ashton hadn’t felt this _good_ in such a long time, it felt like a dream. Like he would wake up suddenly, and all the feelings in his chest would just evaporate to nothing. That sadness would take the reins of his life again, his heart would still be broken. The last eight months… They has been some of the best of his life. Calum had been there for him to lean on while he slowly patched himself up, but… the younger had done much more than that. He had helped him put himself back together, with a quiet strength and tight will in them that Ashton had had no choice but to believe him when Calum said it was all going to be okay. It had been. They were healing, growing together.

There had been still some sad days –Calum’s Nan’s death anniversary back in June, Ashton’s birthday– where both of them had fallen victim to their memories, to the still open wound. But on their day to day… they were _living._

“Love you.” Calum whispered, stroking Ashton’s cheek softly, his lips twitching up slightly into a smile. Then he closed his eyes, letting out a quiet giggle. “I can’t believe I’m saying it out loud.”

Ashton’s heart gave a somersault at that, thinking about how many times before Calum has thought of saying it only to stop himself because he knew Ashton hadn’t been ready. How he had _waited_ for him. Patiently.

“I love you too, Cal. I can’t believe it either.” Ashton laughed, burying his face in the younger’s neck as he succumbed to his giggles again, free, happy. “I love you so much.”

“I think we’re going to be one of those cheesy couples who can’t stop saying _I love you_.” Calum said, and it made Ashton giggle even harder because, he absolutely wouldn’t complain if that happened. Ashton let himself fall then, into Calum’s already waiting arms, cuddling into him as his lips found residence in Calum’s collarbone.

“I don’t care.” He repeated out loud, just for Calum to start giggling too, his hand burying itself in Ashton’s hair and combing through it.

He could feel Calum’s heartbeat beneath his ear, steady, strong. Same as Calum’s breathing, coming deep from his stomach. It was calming. He cuddled even closer, burying his head onto Calum’s chest, sighing when the younger snaked his arm around Ashton’s waist, squeezing him close.

They stayed lying down for a while, silently watching the stars, catching a few more shooting stars and wishing on them. Ashton made a wish for him to never forget that night. He wanted to sear it into his brain, perfectly preserved for him to take it out and visit later. How Calum’s hair had moved in the breeze. How the tear had slowly tracked down his cheek when Ashton whispered I love you, the way they hadn’t been able to stop smiling for even just a second after, their giggles, their kisses. The stars above, shining on them. The chill that he almost couldn’t notice, wrapped up in love and Calum as he was.

“Shit, that was a big one!” Calum exclaimed excitedly, almost knocking Ashton out of his chest as he arched up, pointing to the sky. Ashton has seen it too, but he had been to slow to wish for something. Calum had refused to answer him every time he asked what he has wished for, but he still tried one last time.

“What did you wish for?”

Calum looked down to him, a small smile on his face that would have seemed innocent if it wasn’t for the glint in his eyes.

“A kiss.”

Ashton rolled over, straddling Calum again as he smirked down at him.

“Just one?”

Calum hummed, nodding as he buried his fingers in Ashton’s hair, bringing him down until he was a hair’s breadth away.

“Just one.”

Ashton pecked him quickly, leaning away with a smirk. Calum had closed his eyes, scrunched up his face.

“I asked for a kiss, not a peck.” He whined, opening his eyes again as he pouted.

“Oh, sorry. My mistake.” Ashton chuckled, leaning forward again and catching Calum’s lips in a kiss, longer than before, but still short. When he pulled away Calum whined again which only made him giggle harder. Calum was too easy to rile up.

“Come on, stop. I just want a good, proper kiss.” He complained, his lower lip sticking even further in his pout, his eyebrows furrowed and his whole face making Ashton want to give into him, do whatever the younger asked of him, make him happy.

“I can do that.” He agreed, nuzzling Calum’s nose, taking in the way Calum’s face relaxed onto a smile, his eyes bright before he let his lips brush against his, tenderly.

Calum sighed against him, closing his eyes and tightening his hold on Ashton’s hair. Ashton let his eyes slip close too, all his senses heightened. Calum’s hair was tickling his forehead, his warm breath hitting his cheek. There were shivers running up and down his spine, radiating from where Calum was stroking his hair. Calum’s lips tasted like the hot chocolate he had devoured earlier, still. Sweet. Familiar.

Ashton let his tongue wander, slipping it past Calum’s lips and drawing a soft moan out of him. His hands itched to touch Calum, but he was keeping himself from crashing him, feeling jealous of the way Calum’s free hand was sliding down his back, stopping at his waist, squeezing. The kiss was making him feel lightheaded, Calum slowly robbing him of air, his heart starting to pick up the beat.

He wanted to touch, so bad, make Calum feel good, so he rolled over, taking Calum with him until he ended up on top, his crotch directly over Ashton’s. It still surprised Ashton how quickly Calum got turned on, and he thrust upwards just to hear him moan again.

“I think you’ve got a problem there.” He said breathlessly, glancing towards Calum’s trousers.

“You would have it too, if you had been teased like you teased me.” The younger whined, his voice coming out already in pants.

“I thought you _liked_ that.” Ashton laughed, huffing when Calum playfully punched him in the stomach.

“Shut up. Do something to help me with it.” Calum demanded on top of him.

Ashton started to laugh even harder at that. Calum trying to demand things was like a puppy asking for seconds at dinner. Well. Sometimes. He had shown a different personality in bed a couple of times. But right now, he was rocking his hips against Ashton, desperately trying to get more friction on his rapidly hardening dick as his hands clutched Ashton’s shoulders. Ashton had to swallow his laughter, though, when Calum dived in for his neck, starting to suck and kiss at his sweet spot. He couldn’t really help the moan he let out, he was just weak for it, weak for _Calum, _who was charging in with everything. Calum fucking knew that that spot made him hard faster than anything else bar Calum’s lips on his dick. And yet he was playing dirty, attacking Ashton in such form. So Ashton retaliated, his hands sliding down Calum’s back slowly, so slowly, taking his time to feel the muscles even beneath the layers of clothes. He stopped them right above the waist of Calum’s trousers, waiting for Calum to come up for air before sticking them in, grabbing a handful of the younger’s ass and squeezing hard. The painful bite Calum gave him was definitely worth it only to hear how he whined into Ashton’s neck, his hips rutting harshly against the older’s.

“Oh my god, _fuck me_.” Calum smeared against Ashton’s collarbone, sending his heart flying out of his chest.

Shit. Oh fuck.

“You can’t just say stuff like that, Cal.” He whined, closing his eyes for a moment before trying to still Calum’s hips from moving. If he kept the rhythm he had going on, Ashton wouldn’t be able to think. And right now, he was trying to remember if for some weird reason he had packed their lube and a couple of condoms in their ‘overnight’ bag. But Calum was still rocking his hips, even if slower, and Ashton’s train of thought was thrown out of the window.

Calum had gone back to kissing his neck, making his way slowly towards Ashton’s lobe, giving it a playful bite before leaning away, his eyes looking into the older’s with his mischievous glint still intact.

“You cause me a problem, you help me fix it, Ash. We have a deal.” The younger pouted petulantly, like a kid asking for a reward instead of his very adult boyfriend asking him to make him come.

It was too much, Calum’s dick rubbing on his through their clothes, his heated gaze, his words, the way the younger had rested his hand on top of Ashton’s heart. Too much to think straight.

“Stop moving, please.” He asked, but Calum only smirked at him from above, teasing as he rolled his hips downwards, grinding on him.

“Why?” He let out breathlessly. “Got a problem, too?”

Ashton whined, tightening his hands on Calum’s hips, trying to stop him from moving. But it was to no use, the younger kept his rhythm going, and the little fuck knew that if he kept going long enough, Ashton would end up with a pair of trousers full of cum.

“Calum, stop.” He said again, pleading that Calum was sufficiently turned on so that he would find Ashton’s commanding voice stern enough to obey.

But the younger kept smirking at him from above, his hips now slowly teasing Ashton’s, making him actually arch up without even wanting to, his body searching for the contact his mind wanted to avoid. He closed his eyes and sighed, counting to three and praying Calum didn’t see his move coming with enough time to divert it. He didn’t, and Ashton managed to roll them over again, straddling Calum’s hips and sitting down on him, his hands quickly going to the younger’s wrists and pinning them down. Calum was panting as he looked up at him, his cheeks flushed scarlet and his eyes wide, surprised, even if there was lust still clouding them.

“Come on, Cal. I’m not fucking you in the middle of the forest.”

Calum smirked at that, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, his hips working up. Ashton cursed at it. Calum’s dick was just rubbing against his crack, and wow, he really had to stop this before they infringed like a dozen different laws.

“No.” He shook his head. “People could come down the path we took. And it’s illegal.”

And then Calum sighed, closing his eyes and ceasing to move completely, his chest still going up and down quickly. He had thrown his arm over his head as he tried to control his breathing, his hands relaxing enough that Ashton let him go, instead lacing their fingers together, leaning forward to nudge Calum’s arm out of the way. Lust had washed away from the younger’s face, being replaced by a softer look. A _feelings _look. It caught Ashton by surprise, the way love shone through Calum’s features so easily. His heart hadn’t stopped beating fast since Calum stopped moving, but now it beat even faster, Calum’s eyes making him want to cry for some stupid reason.

“Sorry.” The younger whispered. “I got carried away.”

Ashton let out a chuckle at that, leaning forward for a sweet kiss that Calum returned, but ended shortly after, going back to look into Ashton’s eyes. He wasn’t saying anything, and yet Ashton felt the need to cry increasing. He didn’t know why. His feeling for Calum were all jumbled up inside his chest. Lust, want, fondness, _love_. They were too much to process, too much to feel all at once.

“I got carried away too. It’s difficult not to, with you on top.” Ashton confessed under his breath, making Calum giggle, even when his cheeks had dusted a cute red at the comment.

He tried to move his hand from underneath Ashton’s, the older freeing him not knowing what he wanted. And what Calum wanted made his heart skip a beat, the younger’s fingertips sliding tenderly over his cheek, his forehead, brushing through his hair, his eyes reflecting the stars up above them.

“It can be beautiful.” He whispered, a tiny smile stretching his lips, his eyes so wide and warm. “Under the stars?”

Ashton closed his eyes, unable to hold Calum’s gaze when it was so open, so inviting. He had a point. It would be so beautiful, just them, and their love for each other, skin against skin, the stars shining up above. It would be so fucking perfect. He whined, burying his head back in Calum’s neck.

“Why do you have to make everything so difficult?” He mumbled against the skin peeking out of Calum’s sweater, tempted to leave a kiss there. Calum’s skin was too perfect not to be kissed every single minute of every single day.

“Come on, Ash.” Calum urged, his tone so warm it made Ashton’s heart melt inside his chest. “There’s no one here for miles. Just us. It’s beautiful. We just said _I love you _to each other. It doesn’t get more romantic than this.”

Calum really was trying to make this difficult for him. Ashton took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to think of a way to tell Calum why he didn’t want to do it here, even if it was beautiful. And it would be perfect, laying Calum out beneath the stars, make him feel so good, make him moan for him, only the forest to hear his sounds, hear them together. But it wasn’t doable. They weren’t in the movies. It wasn’t safe for Calum.

“There’s no lube.” He said as he opened his eyes, sad expression on his face, not wanting to take away Calum’s happiness like this. He knew the younger was excited about doing it in the wilderness, Ashton just didn’t think it was the best option for them. Even if he wanted to. So badly.

“I can take it.” Calum said stubbornly, his eyes begging Ashton to agree to this. But when Calum’s safety was concerned, Ashton didn’t budge. Any other time he would probably succumb to Calum’s pleads, his puppy dog eyes, his pouts. Not with this.

“Not here, Cal.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hey.” Calum whispered, his hand reaching up to cup Ashton’s cheek. “You would never hurt me, Ash.” He was now too looking somewhat sad, his eyes caring as he stroked the older’s cheek like he wanted Ashton to know he knew he would never hurt him. “I bet I’m still stretched from this morning.” He piped in, and Ashton let out a chuckle as he heard Calum muttering, “Yesterday’s morning. Whatever.”

He shook his head fondly at him, his heart somehow still beating fast in his chest, his hard-on still going strong. He could still feel Calum’s underneath him, too.

“Come on, Ash. When are we ever going to have this opportunity again?” He pleaded one last time, but Ashton still shook his head no. He had to keep his cool about this. Calum was too reckless sometimes.

“We can always move here and live in the woods.” He suggested half jokingly, only realising just then that… Maybe he wouldn’t be so opposed to it. Scotland was beautiful. And Calum… Calum loved it here. He could see himself someday living here, if fate allowed. Calum was still looking up at him, that look on his eyes that meant more than just lust, that meant _love_. He had given it to Ashton once or twice before when they were together. Ashton had known those were more than just fucks. He had felt it. They both had felt it. But they hadn’t said anything then, and… He was embarrassed to say anything here.

“I can suck you off if you want, or we can… like the other day...” He trailed off, blush covering his cheeks. Eight months in and sometimes he still felt like a teenager talking about sex with Calum, even when he had been able to just a moment ago. Perhaps because the moment of lust had passed, leaving him turned on but not frantic anymore. It was something else that he felt, a _need _to be close to Calum. Close emotionally and physically. And he wouldn’t just do that out here, where everyone could be listening in or just where they didn’t have the means for it to be safe. He took a breath, looking down at Calum, hoping his feelings reached him. He only wanted what was best for him. “But you should have a bed, babe, _we _should have a bed.” Ashton hoped Calum would hear the difference in his tone. He didn’t just want to fuck, he wanted… He wanted to _make love_ to him, as cheesy as it sounded. They should be comfortable for that, they should have privacy for it. They should be able to be wrapped up in each other, no distractions. They couldn’t do that here, no matter how beautiful the setting.

Calum sighed, closing his eyes but reaching up for a kiss, short and tender. He laid back down, his hand combing back one of Ashton’s stray curls as he smiled softly at him.

“You don’t have to suck me off. I can wait, Ash.” He said quietly. Ashton bit his lip, worried that Calum had so easily accepted his stand, but the younger shook his head. He seemed to know exactly what Ashton was thinking. “You’re right, it is not safe.” He continued, reaching up again and pressing his lips to Ashton’s cheek. “Thank you for stopping.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Cal.”

Calum’s lips pulled up in half a smile, before relaxing into a thoughtful expression, his hand caressing Ashton’s hair. Ashton smiled down at him, unable to stop himself when Calum was looking at him like that, like he looked at the sky. Ashton couldn’t say he envied the way Calum loved the sky, but there was something in the way the younger looked at it that it had always intrigued him. Now he was seeing that same look directed at him, and Ashton didn’t know how to act, how to process that this was his life. _Calum_. Who would look at him like this for as long as fate allowed.

“Love you.” Calum whispered, his eyes shining.

“Love you too, Calum.”

Ashton hoped it would last forever.

* * *

An hour and a half later he had Calum laid out on the bed, naked, moaning softly as Ashton slipped a third finger into him, his lips leaving a feathery kiss on Calum’s hip. He had started slow, kissing Calum all over his body, letting his fingertips memorise a map of every valley, every bump, every mountain. His lips had traced every inch of skin, stopping to leave sweet kisses in each of Calum’s tattoos, on his forehead, over his heart. Then he had taken him in his mouth, working him over as his hands traced light patterns in the skin of Calum’s thighs. He had moved onto his hole slowly, teasingly, making Calum arch up in bed trying to get him closer. From then on it had been his fingers, his tongue, that he used to open him up, soft words whispered in the quiet of the early morning as the light started to shine through the window above the bed.

It had taken them an hour to get to the cottage, between packing up the telescope and trekking back to the car, driving to Dalmellington. The sky had started to light up just as they were crossing the door, lips and hands attached to each other and knocking themselves against every door frame in their haste to reach the bedroom.

Calum was slowly rocking back on his fingers, blissful expression taking over his features, sighs escaping him almost as often as quiet moans. Ashton was in awe of him, always was. Calum was gorgeous any moment of the day, but right these moments, when he was laying all splayed out, pleasure written all over his face, little moans escaping past his lips as his eyes closed, his eyebrows furrowed,... he was a masterpiece.

Ashton let his lips find Calum’s skin again, pressing a kiss against his stomach, starting up and leaving kisses on his way to Calum’s mouth. He stopped at the younger’s heart, heard it beating rapidly, left the longest kiss there. And then he finished his climb, claiming Calum’s lips in a slow kiss, tongues chasing each other’s making them both dizzy.

He was trying to instil the love he felt for Calum in every swipe of his lips, every touch, every caress, every look. The most important thing right now for him was Calum, who was staring up at him, unshed tears in his eyes as he slid a hand from Ashton's hair to his neck, pulling him closer until both their foreheads were against each other’s, giving Ashton a small kiss before breaking away, his gaze hinting at some nervousness.

“Can we…” He whispered, stopping to take a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment when Ashton stilled his finger’s inside of him. He opened them again, biting his lower lip as he looked back into Ashton’s eyes. “...can we go without?”

His eyes glanced to the bedside table where a couple of condoms lay, right next to the open lube they had been using. Ashton’s heart gave a lurch at it. They had never gone without a condom; he didn’t know why because they had both taken a test just in case at the beginning of their relationship. But he understood why Calum was asking it now.

“Okay.” He nodded, his voice soft, his free hand brushing some of Calum’s curls away. “Yeah.”

The younger’s lips twitched into a smile before he leaned up for another kiss, sighing into Ashton’s mouth as he started rocking back against his fingers, Ashton taking the cue and starting to move them again. Calum let out a little moan at it that had Ashton’s heart going crazy inside his chest, his own hard-on begging to be touched. But he would wait.

“I’m ready.” Calum whispered between whines, his hand stopping Ashton’s by the wrist. By the way his thighs were twitching, Ashton’s knew he had been close to coming. Had actually not minded that he was, intended to help Calum there. But Calum was now slowly caressing his way down Ashton’s stomach, his fingertips making Ashton hiss when they wrapped themselves around his cock, starting to jerk him.

“You always do this, Ash.” He whispered, a twinge of confusion in his voice. “You always leave yourself for last. Sex is about us _both._“

“Knowing you’re enjoying yourself is enough for me.” He let out breathlessly, whining when Calum swiped his thumb expertly over his head.

“Bullshit, Ash.” He complained. He nuzzled up Ashton’s face, asking for a kiss that Ashton was more than ready to give him. When they parted, Calum kept him there by the hand he still had on his neck. “I enjoy myself when we both enjoy ourselves.”

“Don’t worry, I was going to ask you to fuck me too if we can later.” Ashton said through his teeth, trying really hard not to moan as hard as he wanted when Calum squeezed him, tightening his hand in a fist in Ashton’s hair.

“Oh, were you?” Calum asked, amused. “And here I thought you were making _love_ to me.”

Ashton did let out a whine at that, but it was out of sheer annoyance –love, really– at Calum. God, that boy.

“You don’t have to say it out loud.” He mumbled, embarrassed, smearing his words against Calum’s collarbone as the younger picked up the pace on his dick.

“I _like_ saying it out loud.” Calum whispered back. Gone was the teasing tone. He sounded vulnerable, now, scared as he looked back up into Ashton’s eyes, his hand relaxing in his hair and going back down to just cup his neck. “This is a first for me.” He confessed quietly, his eyes closing for a moment robbing Ashton of them.

Ashton stopped his little rocking movements against Calum’s hand, staying still, suddenly a rush of feelings flooding his chest as he took in what Calum had just said. Because yeah, they had _fucked _before. And they had had slow, tender sex before, too. But there was something new about this, a new feel to it. The way they were both looking at each other, the way their hands trembled, their hearts beat erratically. The way Ashton could feel Calum’s love for him in every touch.

“It’s a first for us.” He agreed in a whisper, nuzzling Calum’s nose, leaving a sweet peck on his lips before he sat up, reaching for the lube on the nightstand.

Calum took it off his hands, though, opening the lid and squirting a good amount on his hand, coating Ashton’s dick next. He didn’t look away from his eyes for just one second. When he was done, he motioned Ashton to come closer for a kiss, their lips finding each other’s like they couldn’t stay away. It was slow, almost too chaste for the situation they were actually in, Calum’s hands trailing down Ashton’s back tenderly, his mouth letting out little sounds that Ashton was entirely too glad to swallow.

He leaned away, brushing Calum’s hair off of his face, again, trying to see his face clearly.

“Love you.” He whispered, his lips twitching up in a smile.

“I love you too, Ash.” Calum sighed.

Ashton positioned himself then, Calum helping him through it, and stared one last time to Calum’s eyes, shining with fresh tears, as he pushed in. A couple of them were rolling down Calum’s cheeks, but there were no signs of discomfort. Ashton only noticed he was crying too when he leaned down for a kiss and his own cheeks felt wet against the younger’s.

He started a slow rhythm then, moving his hips how he knew Calum liked at the start. Short, slow thrusts that would build up gradually until Calum was clutching him desperately, begging him to go quicker. He felt so good around him, always did. Always punched the breath right out of Ashton’s lungs. But this time everything was heightened. Every look from Calum under him. Every touch. Every moan. Every whine. There were feelings swirling in his chest that made him feel so lightheaded and happy. His heart was beating a thousand miles a minute, pleasure continuously shooting up from his groin.

Calum had already started squirming under him, his moans more urgent, his voice raspier as he asked Ashton to go faster. His hands had already left scratches down Ashton’s back, bunched themselves up on the sheets not to ‘hurt’ him again. Ashton had laughed at that. Eight months and Calum still didn’t believe him when he said he loved those, that they turned him on beyond belief.

Calum’s legs were wrapped around his waist, holding him closer as he moved in tandem with Ashton’s thrusts, letting out pants each time Ashton buried himself in him. His eyes were closed, his eyebrows furrowed. He was getting close. Ashton was, too. So he stroked his cheek, trying to get him to open his eyes for just a moment. Calum did, his cheeks flushed a brilliant red as he stared up at Ashton, the first rays of sun coming through the window up above falling on them. Calum looked so _beautiful _it made Ashton’s heart stop for a moment.

He leaned forward, breathing him in from up close before he did anything else, his hips even slowing down, Calum’s hands reaching up for his hair, burying themselves on it as Ashton sighed. Everything was still for just a moment, Calum’s smile shining in the room even brighter than the sunlight. And then he started kissing Ashton again, time picking back up until normal speed.

Ashton resumed his pace on Calum as the younger kissed him, both of their moans echoing in the otherwise silent room. It only took a few more thrusts, Calum coming just a smidge before Ashton’s, his orgasm helping the older reach his as he buried himself deep, whining loud against Calum’s lips, falling into the younger’s already waiting arms.

They stayed still for a while, trying to catch their breaths, trying to get their hearts to beat at a normal pace. They were trading kisses, slow, tender, sweet words whispered in the quiet of the morning. Ashton was entirely too tired after having spent the whole night up in the forest, but he needed some time just like this with Calum. He allowed himself a couple of minutes, until Calum’s chest stopped going so fast underneath his cheek before he pulled out, wincing when he saw the discomfort look on the younger’s face. He muttered a _sorry_ as he stepped out of bed, padding softly to the bathroom and fishing out one of their washcloths.

When he came back, washcloth warm and damp to help clean Calum up, the younger was lying on his side, a look of longing in his face as he stretched his hands towards him, like the minute Ashton had been gone had been a minute too long. It made Ashton smile, a soft chuckle coming up his throat. He climbed on top of the bed, cleaning up the come from Calum’s stomach with a gentle swipe, being even more gentle when he cleaned his own that was trickling down Calum’s hole.

“We could have a shower.” He whispered, but Calum shook his head.

“Too tired. Just want to cuddle for a while then sleep, Ash.” He answered, a tiny yawn distorting his words.

“Okay.”

He carefully left the folded washcloth on the bedside table, lying down right next to Calum, chest to chest as the younger stared into his eyes lovingly.

“That was beautiful.” He whispered, his eyes darting away for a second as he blushed a pretty red. “You were right. It was best here. Thank you.”

Ashton just nuzzled him, stealing a kiss from his lips right after. When he pulled away, Calum’s eyes were still closed.

He let his hand slide up and down the younger’s side, his eyes studying Calum’s face, trying to commit it to memory. Not that he already had it. But Ashton always liked to take a few moments every day to just… gaze at the younger. It was usually while the younger was asleep, his face so free of worries. He looked kind of like that right now, but there was a small grin there too, signalling he not only was awake, but aware of Ashton’s eyes on him.

The older slid his hand up higher until it reached Calum’s hair, scratching him softly just behind his ear, the younger almost purring at it. It always amazed Ashton, how a simple touch could have Calum so out of play in a moment’s notice. It was calm around them. It could be no later than 6, maybe 7. They should have been asleep, but Ashton felt like there was something keeping them from it.

His hand was playing with Calum’s fingers now, his eyes looking down at it. Calum’s breath was hitting his cheeks, tickling him a bit. It was almost a surprise when the boy spoke up, softly.

“When did you…” He trailed off, his voice a mix between asleep and so loving it made Ashton’s heart wrench in his chest.

He hadn’t uttered anything else, and yet, when Ashton looked up and saw the way Calum was looking at him, he knew exactly what the younger was asking.

“Your birthday.” He answered, a soft laugh following. Gosh, it felt so long ago now.

“But I fell asleep on my birthday.” Calum said, confused. He had adorably scrunched up his face, looking curiously at Ashton. “I woke up next day in your bed.”

“I know.” Ashton chuckled. But he sobered up quickly, feelings waking up in his chest when he remembered that night. How scared he had been when he _realised_, even if everything had been leading up to that. “I watched over you that night. The _word…_ I couldn’t make it go away.”

Calum hummed, seemingly content with Ashton’s answer, choosing that moment to snuggle even closer to Ashton, making him roll on his back for him to lay on his chest. Calum was making himself comfortable, another yawn escaping past his lips when Ashton realised he hadn’t _asked._

“You?”

“I told you I was falling in love with you, New Year’s Eve.” Calum mumbled against his chest, his hand tracing random patterns over Ashton’s chest, making goosebumps appear in its trail. He took a deep breath, like he hadn’t finished talking and he needed a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. Ashton felt him dropping a kiss on his chest before he resumed his answer. “It really wasn’t a definitive moment. I just…” He got up a bit at that, his head turning up to look at Ashton. There was a twinkle in his eye, an emotion Ashton thought he would never get tired of seeing when Calum looked at him. “I’m in love with you, Ash. Every single aspect of you. You’re... everything to me.”

If Calum kept saying such nice things to him, he would definitely start crying. He was already making Ashton melt, his heart going crazy at his words when for the younger it just seemed like the most natural thing. Professing such feelings so freely. Ashton swallowed, blinking quickly trying to not spill any tears.

“So no moment?” He asked, jokingly. But he knew his voice betrayed just how much Calum’s words had affected him. Calum’s lips turned up into a smile, entirely too knowing for it to be just a coincidence. But he entertained Ashton.

“Okay. Remember that day we ordered take out from Shilpa and stayed home? It was raining and your glasses got all wet just from standing in the front door getting the food.” Ashton hummed, he remembered that day. Calum had come over to stay the night, they had a space themed movie marathon. “You were… wearing that hoodie, the blue one.” The younger continued. “And your plaid pyjamas. Your hair was a mess, I had been combing through it all afternoon as you napped. And I just… I wanted to say it.” Calum stopped, taking a deep breath, suddenly starting to giggle, stifling them in Ashton’s chest. “I did, actually, I let it out as you babbled on about prices going over the roof and how when you first came here they were much cheaper.” Ashton didn’t remember that part, but he remembered the look Calum had been giving him that night. He hadn’t known what it meant yet. “You didn’t hear me. But it was okay. I knew we’d have all the time in the world.” Calum finished, sighing against Ashton’s skin, dropping another kiss over his heart.

“That was… a long time ago.”

Calum hummed, sleepily. “As long as my birthday.”

Ashton remembered it clearly. He should have just told Calum way sooner. He should have told him, not wait for a perfect moment, just… feelings, that first time he had _known_. He should have. But it had been too soon, too rushed. They had been together for two months. It had been entirely too soon. Ashton had felt it clear as day, though, and his feelings for the younger had only grown stronger each day he spent with him, falling asleep to him, waking up to him. Sharing their lives. Ashton was _sure_.

That first day... First _time_ he had allowed himself the thought, as terrifying as that had felt, had been the night of Calum’s birthday back in January. It had been roughly sixty-one days, eight hours, and twenty-three minutes since Calum kissed him at his flat that November night. Ashton had counted them. And not even his cautious nature had refrained the thought to burn with bright letters right against Ashton’s eyelids, for his heart to be calm in his chest even as that emotion filled him whole.

_Love_.

They had been out that night, celebrating the younger’s birthday with Michael and Grace, Luke, Calum’s classmates. There had been alcohol that Ashton hadn’t tasted, preferring to stay sharp enough to drive back. It had been a great night. Dancing, laughter, cake. Ashton had had to drag Calum back to his flat when it was over because Michael was staying at Grace’s and the older didn’t really feel confident about leaving Calum on his own. The younger had fallen asleep on the way to Cambourne, was sleeping peacefully by the time Ashton carried him out of the car and up the stairs towards his bedroom, trying not to trip and fall with anything on the way. He had moved to let Calum fall down slowly to the bed, and the younger hadn’t let go, his hands clutching Ashton’s jacket. It had made the older let out a fond chuckle.

Eventually he had been able to release Calum’s hands from his jacket, taking his time to undress them both, the black-haired boy apparently lost to the world if the soft snores coming from where his face was smashed up against the mattress was any indication. Ashton had brought him a glass of water and some ibuprofen for when Calum inevitably woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty and with his head pounding. He hadn’t even bothered trying to put on his pyjamas on Calum. Knew it would be futile. So Ashton just put on his and climbed up the bed, settling down for sleep snuggling up to the younger, throwing his arm protectively over Calum’s stomach.

And then… he had just been unable to fall asleep. Everything was so quiet on his flat save for Calum’s breathing. That was the first time Ashton took the time to memorise his face, his body. His fingertips tracing every single inch of skin available, learning. Sunrise had come upon him without Ashton even noticing how much time it had passed. He had felt it then. Dimmer than he felt it right now, but it had been there. Ashton should have told him then, not waited.

He pressed a kiss right against Calum’s curls, breathing him in. “I love you, Cal.” He watched as the corners of Calum’s mouth turned up lazily, content expression taking hold of his features. “I’m sorry that I–”

“No.” Calum cut him, brusquely. His eyes had snapped up to his as he craned his neck. He has to have known exactly what Ashton had been thinking, because he was gently shaking his head, pressing a kiss over his heart before settling down again.

Ashton just smiled softly. “Okay.”

The younger hummed, vibrations tickling on Ashton’s chest.

“I’ve _known,_ Ash.” He whispered, his hand stilling for a second, then reaching for Ashton’s, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. “Words are important, but not so much when you _know_.”

“Okay.” He repeated.

Birds were chirping outside, the world coming alive just as they were about to fall asleep. Calum’s soft breathing and his caresses were lulling Ashton to sleep, making his eyelids feel heavy as he gazed around the room.

It looked like a tornado had gone through it, their clothes everywhere in the way they had been too eager for each other to mind where they dropped them. Ashton seemed to remember the kitchen downstairs was in a similar state, both of them having left it to clean after Calum made the cookies for today. But...

“We have to leave today.” He sighed, holding Calum closer, tightening his hold on him.

“I know.” The younger whispered, his eyes already closed as he drifted off to sleep.

“We’ll come back.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

They slept for a couple of hours after that, both waking up still yawning, but… they had to return the keys no later than 12pm on the village, so they didn’t have much time. Their shower was quick, just in and out under five minutes, both hurrying to pack everything back into their suitcase, Calum going down to the kitchen to gather up their food. They were out by 11, Ashton loading their stuff onto the boot as Calum stayed at the door, taking one last look inside the cottage. He was sighing, and Ashton felt himself sigh too, closing the boot and stepping around the car, going to Calum and hugging him from behind, his chin hooked up over the younger’s shoulder as he stood on his tiptoes.

They didn’t say anything. Didn’t have too. Ashton knew what Calum was thinking. This place… it would never leave them.

They left a while after that, closing the door slowly and climbing on the car, both knowing that when they reached Cambourne, everything would be different. Calum was going to move in, so that meant they were going back to _their_ home now, together, for the first time. _Home_. Ashton couldn’t wait for that to start. The beginning of the rest of his life with Calum. It sounded like a good future. One he would love to live. One he _was _going to live.

Calum was looking out the window, a sort of nostalgia tainting his features the further they drove away from the cottage. Ashton was definitely bringing him back here. Especially now that it held so many memories for them. That it meant so _much _to them. Another place to add to the list of who they were. Their first _‘I love you_‘s, deciding to move in together. They would come back. Ashton would make sure of that.

For now, he could settle for driving calmly through the countryside, Calum’s hand over his on the gearshift, the younger’s soft humming being the only music he needed for the drive.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Tell me something about it if you want! I love comments, they make me smile so hard :3


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